Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more.
You know you’re a parent when solitary confinement sounds like a reward not a punishment.— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) August 21, 2018
Naked and Afraid, but it’s just parents getting out of the shower after leaving their kids unsupervised for a few minutes.— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) August 20, 2018
Welcome to Parenthood:— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 (@MacgyveringM22) August 22, 2018
Finishing thoughts, meals and R.E.M. cycles are a thing of the past now.
Kid #1: "I'm scared of monsters."— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 19, 2018
*spend 45 min. hugging & comforting*
Kid #6:"I'm scared of monsters."
Me: "Eh, the cat'll get them. G’night!”
I called my son’s school to see if they would take him a week early and apparently they “don’t do that” and I “need to stop calling.”— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) August 23, 2018
My daughter is so sweet, today she held the door open and let in her brother, both dogs and 26 flies.— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) August 20, 2018
Now that 7 is semi-literate, he no longer believes my “SHUH DA FA CUP” mug reads “My Favorite Word is Mommy”— Ms. Havisham (@MissHavisham) August 23, 2018
My five year old calls getting kids meals at McDonald's "doing happy hour" so yeah I'm thinking this kid is definitely mine— ErBear (@Rica_Bee) August 23, 2018
If you guys need anything, just get my 6yo to ask her grandma for it.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) August 20, 2018
Daytime parenting: strict screen time limits. 1hr only. Child must earn it.— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) August 22, 2018
5am parenting (hands 4yo iPad): take this so I can sleep.
Welcome to parenthood. Every piece of trash in your house is now a makeshift toy that you are not allowed to throw out.— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 21, 2018
The packaging says baby gate, but everybody knows it’s really a climbing wall for kids and a hurdle for adults.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) August 22, 2018
That part in Office Space where they destroy the printer, only it’s me going after my 2yo’s pack and play.— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) August 22, 2018
Google history:— Anna Grace (@graceupongracie) August 20, 2018
What do you wear to a pop concert
What do moms wear to a pop concert
Orthopedic inserts one day shipping
Daughter, whining: "There's nothing to drink."— Dad Bits (@DadBits) August 20, 2018
Me: "We have apple juice, orange juice, milk and water."
Her, still whining: "There's nothing I want."
Me: "What do you want?"
Her: "Chocolate milk."
Me: "So, what you meant to say was, we're out of chocolate syrup."
Becoming a parent is a great way to find out how little patience you have.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) August 22, 2018
8YR OLD: dad, guess what? a swing broke on the playground at school— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) August 23, 2018
ME: so would you say it's 'off the chain'?
8: ok I'm just going to stop telling you things
Net worth: three Hatchimals, two Build a Bears and a tub full of Legos.— Burning Mom (@MomOnFire) August 21, 2018
Strike fear into the hearts of your children by telling them what you’re making for dinner.— Jesspacito (@mommajessiec) August 21, 2018
Kid: I’m hungry.— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) August 23, 2018
Me: Hi, hungry. I’m mom.
Kid: That’s only funny when dad does it.
Wife: Maybe being the “cool dad” means not trying so hard.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 23, 2018
Me (Wearing a shirt that says Get Lit Fam) I totes agree, makes me salty when someone in the squad tries to front. Just keep it gucci bae.