Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Found the 5y.o. sitting on the couch at 5:45am watching TV & eating Doritos, and I’m pretty sure nothing in his day at kindergarten is going to top that.— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) October 2, 2018
On a scale of 1 to 13, with 7 being the lowest and -4 being the highest, how diffilcult do you find doing math homework with your kid?— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) October 2, 2018
Friend: For an hour of free babysitting, would you-— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) September 30, 2018
Friend: I haven't explained wh-
Me: [pulls out of the garage]
A Toddler's Complete Bucket List:— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) September 30, 2018
1. Dump it out.
As I watch my toddler spill cereal and milk all over his shirt, the table, and the floor, these Charms don’t seem Lucky at all.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) October 1, 2018
My 3yo is wearing a hoodie backwards and is storing snacks in the hood and I am in amazement that I created something this magnificent.— Jesspacito (@mommajessiec) September 30, 2018
Me: (looking at daughter's craft) you didn't put my name down as one of the people you've thankful for.— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) October 4, 2018
6: I, um, ran out of room.
Me: oh. That's cool.
6: I wanted to write Netflix. And you'd have been right after that.
My kid comes in the kitchen brushing her teeth.— Audra McDonald (@AudraEqualityMc) September 29, 2018
Me: Good Job Sally!
I turn back to the sink
Sally: Brush teeth! Brush teeth!
I turn back around to see Sally finishing brushing the dog’s teeth & putting the toothbrush back in her mouth.
The Dog: 😬
Me: how was your day?— clean slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) September 30, 2018
Me (to myself): have I been saying it wrong?
Watching my husband nap on the couch while the kids wreak mass havoc around him makes me a little jealous & a lot angry that he can sleep through that.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 1, 2018
10: Dad? How do you tell the murder clowns from the good ones?— Father Drinks McVoorhees (@drinksmcgee) October 2, 2018
Me: That’s easy, son. They’re all murder clowns.
When a solicitor calls, I just hand the phone to my 8-year-old and tell him this nice lady wants to hear every last detail about your Minecraft village.— Anna Grace (@graceupongracie) October 3, 2018
4-year-old: I like brushing my teeth.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 4, 2018
Me: That's good.
4: It makes them sharper.
Me: *takes one step back*
A heated, extreme sports competition, but it’s just me trying to get everyone ready and out of the house on time in the morning.— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 (@MacgyveringM22) October 4, 2018
You know how moths swarm to lights? That's how kids act when you try to show something on your phone to another adult.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 29, 2018