Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
I keep all the tape in my house hidden inside an ice bucket in my dining room cabinet, and that’s pretty much all you need to know about having kids.— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 24, 2018
“Poor grown-ups, if they didn’t have any coffee they’d be crying” - my daughter’s withering assessment of adult life— James Kelleher (@etienneshrdlu) November 27, 2018
Person: “What type of workouts do you do?”— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 (@MacgyveringM22) November 25, 2018
Me: [flashback to me doing the chasing, wrestling, squatting, lunging, bathing, feeding, crying, playing, screaming bedtime shitshow with my boys every night for 3 hours] “Triathlons, mostly”
I challenged two of my older kids to come up with the coolest Elf on The Shelf designs each day. Now I don’t have to move the elf ever again.— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) November 25, 2018
I’m here to help, rookie parents.
Email from the PTA tells me if I don’t join, I “will not be allowed inside the school to assist with the children’s class parties” & it’s like whoa whoa whoa threaten me harder.— Ms. Havisham (@MissHavisham) November 30, 2018
My teenage son says that fanny packs are back in style at his high school. I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT MY ENTIRE LIFE!— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) November 30, 2018
My 6yo turned the game of Monopoly into a game of Risk by sneezing on the game pieces.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 26, 2018
I can't wait to buy all of my kids phone chargers for Christmas so they can still fight over borrowing mine.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 30, 2018
Wife: See if the kids want lunch— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) November 25, 2018
Me: [walks into kitchen]
Children: [sitting at table, each with a leftover pie]
Me: They’re all set
Parents, it takes a village. And if the village can get on board with the tooth fairy paying via PayPal that'd be great.— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) November 27, 2018
[shopping for kid's birthday presents]— The Dad (@thedad) November 30, 2018
yes, I need some more very cheap badly made plasticy things
Them: Try cutting celery into fun shapes for after-school snacks.— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) November 29, 2018
Me: *scattering Cheetos on the counter like chicken feed* Interesting.
Last Christmas, I gave you a hug.— La Guardia Cross (@LaGuardiaCross) November 28, 2018
But the Merry next day, get it away.
This year, silly the tears.
Get it to someone special.
- 4yo Amalah | Christmas Carols 2018
It’s like my secondborn son was given a spreadsheet of all the dangerous tasks my firstborn son never got around to completing on the Baby To Do list and he takes his work very seriously thank you very much.— The Mom at Law (@TheMomAtLaw) November 28, 2018
My condolences to all the parents who now have to remember to move an elf every night from now until Christmas.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) November 23, 2018
Parenthood: I’d die for you, but I’d rather die than pack one more school lunch.— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) November 26, 2018
My son is arguing with Alexa because she’s not listening to him and now he understands what it’s like to be a parent.— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) November 29, 2018
“Put on your pants.”— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) November 30, 2018
“Get your hand out of your pants.”
“What’s on your pants?”
“Are those your pants?”
“Those are not pants.”
“Pick up your pants.”
“Where are your pants?”
—OMFG pants are why parents are insane.