Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Changed the word "muffin" to "cupcake" and now the thing on my 3 year old's plate is edible.— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) October 21, 2014
The 4yo came down stairs this morning, mad at me for being loud and waking him up before he was ready.— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) October 23, 2014
See, new moms? It does get better.
Just finished the laundry with no missing socks.— Mmmkay? (@missekay) October 18, 2014
*adds magician to resume*
Just to update you on the status of the boys' Halloween costumes- I'm at the "Oh *&^% / Stage". Also known as: *&^%$#, Ebay, & FedEx 2 Day.— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) October 23, 2014
For Halloween, I'm going to go as "someone well rested."— Melissa Sher (@thismelissasher) October 24, 2014
To the mom who said "treat" within earshot of my kid, don't let it happen again or I'll kill you.— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) October 23, 2014
Toddler shoes that squeak are the devil's work.— Mommy, for real. (@MommyisForReal) October 23, 2014
Hey kids. Let's play a game called "you don't ask me 18 questions in 2 minutes, and I don't lose my shit"— stupid mess (@XOperfectmessXO) October 21, 2014
Once you find yourself negotiating with a 4yo, you've already lost.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) October 20, 2014
Going to start an "It gets better" campaign for new moms only I'm going to call it, "It gets worse but it's ok because you get used to it."— carly kimmel (@carlykimmel) October 23, 2014
Me: I think we can relax. They can't possibly tear the house apart in the 5 minutes before the guests arrive.— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 26, 2014
My Kids: Challenge accepted
Me: Why do you want to watch “Frozen” again? You know exactly how it ends.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 24, 2014
4-year-old: This time might be different.
5yo: I had more cavities than my brother. I win!— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 24, 2014
Me: Sorry, buddy, that's not how it works
"I had a bug in my mouth and I gave it to my mom." - My 5yo, explaining how he got a cold and gave it to me.— Kristin V. Shaw (@KristinVShaw) October 23, 2014
My toddler made me a special gift with his handprint. He made it using spaghetti sauce and the shirt I was wearing.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) October 22, 2014
Well, that hamper is five feet away and the lid is closed, so I'll just shove these dirty clothes under my bed until I outgrow them.— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) October 21, 2014
Please donate to my cause, Pooing in Peace. The money goes to a lock on my bathroom door and child-sized shackles.— Sarah Wine-Thyre ﾟﾇﾺﾟﾇﾸﾟﾏﾳﾸﾏﾟﾌﾈ (@SarahThyre) October 26, 2014
"It tastes like sparkles."— Jen Simon (@NoSleepInBklyn) October 24, 2014
It's time for my favorite game! Who said it: 4 year old or high person?
4yr old: Daddy, you can have this Parmesan bread bite.— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) October 25, 2014
Me: Awww thank you sweetie.
*eats bread bite*
4: I licked the Parmesan off for you.
Heading to my son's first Junior High band concert. This is my suicide note.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) October 24, 2014
Mom, why do we have to go to bed?
Because I'm fucking tired, that's why.
— YKIHAYHT (@YKIHAYHT) October 24, 2014
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