Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Me: Kids, wanna play a game?
— Babies Daddy (@dshack8) March 10, 2015
Kids: Yea!
Me: How about a match game?
Kids: Yea!
Me: *dumps laundry basket of socks on the floor*
Maternal lie of the day:
— Mommy, for real. (@MommyisForReal) March 12, 2015
"It's such a bummer that the new KidZ Bop CD won't be out before our road trip next week!"
BIG DAY: My son deployed the "he started it" defense for the 1st time. Oh joy.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) March 13, 2015
Also, I never expected him to use it on me. And to be right.
"I'm ready to go. Prepare my motorcade."
— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) March 13, 2015
- my 6 yr old was paying more attention during House of Cards than I realized
I painted my 7yo's team name on his cheek for Spirit Day and he's screaming in front of the mirror because I wrote it backwards.
— JennyPentland (@JennyPentland) March 12, 2015
*watches child put on shoes for what appears to be an infinite amount of time*
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) March 12, 2015
I've got 3 Reese's peanut butter eggs in my purse.
I plan on enjoying them in the luxury of a locked bathroom.— swingin'utters (@TheDoeOrTheDeer) March 13, 2015
My daughter played Apples to Apples at school. For "having a baby" one boy said "depressing. Bc when you're pregnant you're constipated."
— Liz Gumbinner ﾟﾏﾳﾸﾏﾟﾌﾈ (@Mom101) March 13, 2015
Toddlers are terrible at lying about their age. They just can't keep their story straight with the number they say & the fingers they hold.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) March 11, 2015
My 4 year old has a fever so I'm staying home with her and watching what symptoms I'll be suffering from tomorrow.
— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) March 12, 2015
I haven't had an uninterrupted shower in nearly two years.
Cherish the little things, childless people.
— Creed (@novicefather) March 10, 2015
I've reached a stage in parenting where I no longer ask what smells.
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) March 11, 2015
That awkward moment when your kids find their drawings in the trash can.
— Carbosly (@Carbosly) March 11, 2015
There is no better representation of early parenthood than the game, "Is that poop or is that melted chocolate?"
— John Kinnear (@askdadblog) March 13, 2015
A GPS locator for kids would be great, but today I'm leaning more towards a mute button option.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) March 11, 2015
With my toddler, I'm all like.."I love you so much!!!" And he's like... Hey, blonde lady, can you help me reach that cake on the counter?
— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) March 13, 2015
Parenting. Because it's fun to cook three different meals for three different people, only to be told that nobody is hungry.
— Court (@Discourt) March 9, 2015
Definitely have kids. It'll considerably enrich your life.
— inappropriate mom (@nicfit75) March 11, 2015
Unless you like being able to find your remote controls and stuff. Then skip it.
I guess you're doing something right when your kid thinks a lo-cal Gatorade counts as dessert.
— Kristen Chase (@thatkristen) March 10, 2015
Told my 4 year old that we can do whatever she wants today and now I've burned about a thousand calories playing Duck Duck Goose.
— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) March 13, 2015
Put my symptoms into WebMD: irritability, exhaustion, mood swings, leg soreness. The results came back: You're at Disneyland with your kids.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 9, 2015
Husband and son: Okay, we're leaving now!
— Sarah del Rio (@sarahdelri0) March 9, 2015
Me: Okay! Bye!
Them: See you soon!
Me: All right!
Them: Have fun while we're gone!
Me: GET OUT
Like Us On Facebook |
Follow Us On Twitter |
Contact HuffPost Parents
Support HuffPost
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions. That is why we are committed to providing deeply reported, carefully fact-checked news that is freely accessible to everyone.
Whether you come to HuffPost for updates on the 2024 presidential race, hard-hitting investigations into critical issues facing our country today, or trending stories that make you laugh, we appreciate you. The truth is, news costs money to produce, and we are proud that we have never put our stories behind an expensive paywall.
Would you join us to help keep our stories free for all? Your contribution of as little as $2 will go a long way.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you’ll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.
Related
Before You Go
