Funniest Parenting Tweets: What Moms And Dads Said On Twitter This Week

Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!

Good morning, parents! Or if you have a teething baby and live in the US, good extra daylight evening!
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) March 16, 2015

In an unfortunate turn of events, my daughter has decided to get ready for school on rollerblades.
— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) March 16, 2015

Daycare: "Her mouth is all blue. What did she have for breakfast?"
Me: "A marker."
— Lady E (@cakevans) March 18, 2015

My kids are mocking me because I've lost my voice.

I just changed the wifi password.

Who's laughing now?
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 20, 2015

How come when my kid pretends to be an animal he never pretends to be a housecat or a sloth and then quietly lies on the couch all day?
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) March 16, 2015

What's the opposite of break? I'm trying to think of a more appropriate name for spring break when you have kids.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) March 18, 2015

5yo: Daddy, is mommy the boss of you?
Me: NO
5yo: *confused look
Me:
5yo:
Me: Yes
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 18, 2015

My daughter told me that she hates me so at least now I know that I'm doing this parenting thing right.
— YKIHAYHT (@YKIHAYHT) March 16, 2015

I said to my 4 year old that he can take his time picking out one toy at Toys R Us.

We've been here since October.
— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) March 16, 2015

I wish these lawn care places that want me to care for my lawn offered free childcare so that then I would have time to care about my lawn.
— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) March 18, 2015

90% of modern parenting is keeping your kids away from your smartphone.
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) March 18, 2015

It would be awesome if as adults we could lose our ever-lovin' mind if our sandwiches had crusts.
— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) March 19, 2015

File this under things I never thought I'd Google: "Which episode of The Backyardigans is the Chichen Itza episode?"
— Experienced Bad Mom (@ExperBadMom) March 18, 2015

I don't care what my children grow up to be so long as they grow up to be not living in this house at age 32.
— Nicole Leigh Shaw (@NicoleLeighShaw) March 19, 2015

As a parent, there's nothing better than getting ice cream without your kid.
— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) March 18, 2015

Toddlers are good at crushing goldfish into the carpet and my dreams into a bottle of wine.
— Court (@Discourt) March 18, 2015

My kids keep telling me my language is inappropriate, so I'd say I've done my job raising them pretty fucking well.
— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) March 18, 2015

I'm fairly certain that watching paint dry & waiting for a pot to boil take less time than anything a 3yo insists they will do without help.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) March 20, 2015

So what if I have three kids?

I'm still going to party hard on St. Patrick's Day.

*drinks milk and watches "Finding Nemo"*
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 17, 2015

My favorite part of my kids' bday slumber party has been listening to their friends mock their parents for being on Paleo diets.
— Stella Bugbee (@stellabugbee) March 15, 2015

Parenting:
Me: "Time for bed"
Her: Falls on floor, begins tantrum...
Me: "This is how mommy feels at 3am"
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) March 18, 2015

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