Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Told my kids that after they finish their cereal we'll leave for school so they both put down their spoons and continued to watch TV.— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) April 7, 2015
Hey kids - remember when you popped out of bed at the crack of dawn yesterday? How about we do that again today for school?— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) April 6, 2015
My son's morning enthusiasm is so infectious, I wish I could bottle it!— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) April 8, 2015
Then I'd drop the bottle into a bottomless pit & go back to sleep.
I feel like when the day comes for my boys to design my gravestone they will include my daily quote "...& don't forget to brush your teeth."— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) April 10, 2015
I just reheated a day old cup of coffee I found, you guys. Soon I'll be saving the twisty ties from the bread bags.— Kristen Chase (@thatkristen) April 3, 2015
I didn't see Fast & Furious over the weekend, but I drove a toddler home on the brink of sleep an hour past naptime, so I got the gist of it— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) April 6, 2015
Once you get past the whining, complaining, screaming, crying, fighting, and general hell raising, children aren't so bad.— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) April 7, 2015
My 5yo just rolled his eyes at me for the first time. Do I write this in his baby book or...?— Stephanie Jankowski (@CrazyExhaustion) April 6, 2015
4-year-old: Look, Daddy! I cleaned off the mirror!— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 6, 2015
Me: Oh, that's... nice.
*takes away the toilet brush*
By "family vacation," I mean the horrific hostage situation I recently endured in a filthy minivan and a series of cramped hotel rooms.— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) April 6, 2015
Writing a new memoir about my 3 yo called The Devil Wears Pull Ups.— Rachel Simmons (@RachelJSimmons) April 6, 2015
Me: "Do you know what I love?"— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) April 9, 2015
Me: "Holding your hand."
3yo: "Do you know what I love?"
3yo: "Watching TV."
If I'm ever frozen in time by a volcanic eruption, historians will be all: "And here is a woman picking people's dirty socks off the floor."— Sarah del Rio (@sarahdelri0) April 10, 2015
It's not the bad things my son does but the blank expression on his face when he does them that concerns me. #toddlers
— Bunmi Laditan (@BunmiLaditan) April 6, 2015
Summer is coming. I can hardly wait to go to the pool and listen to my kids say, "watch this" a bajillion times.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 9, 2015
I am sitting. Other parents are chasing after their kids. I don't understand this b/c if you sit, children will find you.— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) April 7, 2015
Our kitchen table centerpiece is a bunch of Legos my 5yos left there a few days ago.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) April 7, 2015
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a kid a fish and he'll whine incessantly about it until you make him chicken nuggets.— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 6, 2015
When your toddler demands "pony song" over and over but you have no idea what she means so you put on Ginuwine.— meredith ﾟﾏﾳﾸﾏﾟﾌﾈ (@meredithrodkey) April 9, 2015
Spring Break Day 5: Kids told me today is "Special Friday" & that means they're sleeping in my bed tonight.— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) April 10, 2015
THAT SOUNDS SPECIAL DOESN'T IT
Doing some reflection today:— One Classy Motha (@MothaKim) April 9, 2015
At what point in my life did showering become optional?