Funniest Parenting Tweets: What Moms And Dads Said On Twitter This Week

Told my kids that after they finish their cereal we'll leave for school so they both put down their spoons and continued to watch TV.

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) April 7, 2015

Hey kids - remember when you popped out of bed at the crack of dawn yesterday? How about we do that again today for school?

— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) April 6, 2015

My son's morning enthusiasm is so infectious, I wish I could bottle it!

Then I'd drop the bottle into a bottomless pit & go back to sleep.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) April 8, 2015

I feel like when the day comes for my boys to design my gravestone they will include my daily quote "...& don't forget to brush your teeth."

— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) April 10, 2015

I just reheated a day old cup of coffee I found, you guys. Soon I'll be saving the twisty ties from the bread bags.

— Kristen Chase (@thatkristen) April 3, 2015

I didn't see Fast & Furious over the weekend, but I drove a toddler home on the brink of sleep an hour past naptime, so I got the gist of it

— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) April 6, 2015

Once you get past the whining, complaining, screaming, crying, fighting, and general hell raising, children aren't so bad.

— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) April 7, 2015

My 5yo just rolled his eyes at me for the first time. Do I write this in his baby book or...?

— Stephanie Jankowski (@CrazyExhaustion) April 6, 2015

4-year-old: Look, Daddy! I cleaned off the mirror!

Me: Oh, that's... nice.

*takes away the toilet brush*

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 6, 2015

By "family vacation," I mean the horrific hostage situation I recently endured in a filthy minivan and a series of cramped hotel rooms.

— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) April 6, 2015

Writing a new memoir about my 3 yo called The Devil Wears Pull Ups.

— Rachel Simmons (@RachelJSimmons) April 6, 2015

3yo just told me to please look away as he peed in the bathtub. #decorum

— Kathy Cooperman (@Kathy_Cooperman) April 6, 2015

Me: "Do you know what I love?"
3yo: "What?"
Me: "Holding your hand."
3yo: "Do you know what I love?"
Me: "What?"
3yo: "Watching TV."

Oh.

— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) April 9, 2015

If I'm ever frozen in time by a volcanic eruption, historians will be all: "And here is a woman picking people's dirty socks off the floor."

— Sarah del Rio (@sarahdelri0) April 10, 2015

Summer is coming. I can hardly wait to go to the pool and listen to my kids say, "watch this" a bajillion times.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 9, 2015

I am sitting. Other parents are chasing after their kids. I don't understand this b/c if you sit, children will find you.

— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) April 7, 2015

5yo tenderly touches my husband's face & says,"I love your beard, Dad."
Next, turns to me, "I love your mustache too, Mom." #HallmarkMoment

— Susan McLean (@NoDomesticDiva) April 9, 2015

Our kitchen table centerpiece is a bunch of Legos my 5yos left there a few days ago.

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) April 7, 2015

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a kid a fish and he'll whine incessantly about it until you make him chicken nuggets.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 6, 2015

When your toddler demands "pony song" over and over but you have no idea what she means so you put on Ginuwine.

— meredith ﾟﾏﾳﾸﾏﾟﾌﾈ (@meredithrodkey) April 9, 2015

Spring Break Day 5: Kids told me today is "Special Friday" & that means they're sleeping in my bed tonight.

THAT SOUNDS SPECIAL DOESN'T IT

— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) April 10, 2015

Doing some reflection today:
At what point in my life did showering become optional?

— One Classy Motha (@MothaKim) April 9, 2015