Funniest Parenting Tweets: What Moms And Dads Said On Twitter This Week

Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!

"This is not a democracy!!" Every parent. Every morning.
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) May 28, 2015

I just gave my toddler a bag of cereal for breakfast. I rolled the bag down to make it look like a bowl. Because 3rd baby.
— Jill Krause (@babyrabies) May 27, 2015

3yo: Look a dancing coffee cup.
6yo: It's a person. They get paid for that.
3yo: I want to be a coffee cup when I grow up.
Thanks Dunkin.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) May 27, 2015

I sent my kid to school with 3 kinds of granola bars and a cheese stick.
I get an A for "Eh, It's the end of the year."
— full metal mommy (@FullMetalMommy) May 28, 2015

2 y/o was screaming in the car & my girls were trying to help (singing, etc)-5 y/o finally says "I really want to say the f word right now."
— Bunmi Laditan (@BunmiLaditan) May 26, 2015

5yo: "Daddy, do you want me to run into you at full speed?"
Me: "No...."
5yo: "WELL I'M DOING IT!"
— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) May 26, 2015

Sometimes I hear butt cake instead of bundt cake and I laugh. Then I think damn my kids are lucky that their mom is mentally as old as them.
— YKIHAYHT (@YKIHAYHT) May 26, 2015

Hell hath no fury like my kid seeing someone in my house drink a Diet Coke that says "Share a diet coke with mom" and that person isn't me
— Eve Vawter (@EveVawter) May 26, 2015

*from the other room
5yo: You're going to be in trouble!
Me: Why is that?
5yos in unison: Nothing!
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 27, 2015

PSA: Children do not know how to whisper. For example my 4yo just "whispered" "Why does that woman have a mustache?!" on the checkout line.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) May 29, 2015

"Let's turn every single light on in every single room in the house and then leave."
- Kids
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) May 21, 2015

Just found my 4yo brushing her hair with my potato scrubber. If I ever invite you to dinner, decline immediately.
— Stephanie Jankowski (@CrazyExhaustion) May 28, 2015

I'll see your kid's boring Minecraft stories and raise you my daughter talking about Shopkins for what feels like an eternity.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 26, 2015

Is there a Nobel Loud Prize?
I'm pretty sure my kids could win that one.
— Wonder Kitten (@Tw1tter_K1tten) May 26, 2015

Sorry I can't join u for a spa pedicure. I just had one yesterday.

*cut to my 3yo spraying my foot w/a squirt gun filled with toilet water*
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 26, 2015

Me: while you slept I changed 3 poopy diapers.
Wife: that's the sexiest thing you've ever said.
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) May 26, 2015

I can't remember…when all your kids are playing their recorders at once, which circle of hell are you in again?
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) May 29, 2015

My kid spent the afternoon playing house & pretending to be an adult. I spend all week playing dead & wishing adulthood was just pretend.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 27, 2015

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