Funniest Parenting Tweets: What Moms And Dads Said On Twitter This Week

"This is not a democracy!!" Every parent. Every morning.

— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) May 28, 2015

I just gave my toddler a bag of cereal for breakfast. I rolled the bag down to make it look like a bowl. Because 3rd baby.

— Jill Krause (@babyrabies) May 27, 2015

3yo: Look a dancing coffee cup.
6yo: It's a person. They get paid for that.
3yo: I want to be a coffee cup when I grow up.
Thanks Dunkin.

— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) May 27, 2015

I sent my kid to school with 3 kinds of granola bars and a cheese stick.
I get an A for "Eh, It's the end of the year."

— full metal mommy (@FullMetalMommy) May 28, 2015

5yo: "Daddy, do you want me to run into you at full speed?"
Me: "No...."
5yo: "WELL I'M DOING IT!"

— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) May 26, 2015

Hell hath no fury like my kid seeing someone in my house drink a Diet Coke that says "Share a diet coke with mom" and that person isn't me

— Eve Vawter (@EveVawter) May 26, 2015

*from the other room
5yo: You're going to be in trouble!
Me: Why is that?
5yos in unison: Nothing!

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 27, 2015

PSA: Children do not know how to whisper. For example my 4yo just "whispered" "Why does that woman have a mustache?!" on the checkout line.

— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) May 29, 2015

"Let's turn every single light on in every single room in the house and then leave."
- Kids

— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) May 21, 2015

Just found my 4yo brushing her hair with my potato scrubber. If I ever invite you to dinner, decline immediately.

— Stephanie Jankowski (@CrazyExhaustion) May 28, 2015

I'll see your kid's boring Minecraft stories and raise you my daughter talking about Shopkins for what feels like an eternity.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 26, 2015

Is there a Nobel Loud Prize?
I'm pretty sure my kids could win that one.

— Wonder Kitten (@Tw1tter_K1tten) May 26, 2015

Sorry I can't join u for a spa pedicure. I just had one yesterday.

*cut to my 3yo spraying my foot w/a squirt gun filled with toilet water*

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 26, 2015

Me: while you slept I changed 3 poopy diapers.
Wife: that's the sexiest thing you've ever said.

— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) May 26, 2015

I can't remember…when all your kids are playing their recorders at once, which circle of hell are you in again?

— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) May 29, 2015

My kid spent the afternoon playing house & pretending to be an adult. I spend all week playing dead & wishing adulthood was just pretend.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 27, 2015