My mom was like “I accidentally took a Xanax this morning but I feel ok” and I’m like yeah that’s what it does— Audrey Kaufman (@KaufmanAudrey) April 16, 2022
My favorite thing is when I stay up too late and my dog passive aggressively puts herself to bed without me, like “YOU do what you want but SOME us have work in the morning.”— Ayana Gray (@AyanaGray) April 16, 2022
I was on a dating app and a guy jokingly wrote “what should we name our first child?” as his intro message and I had to tell him that in fifth grade I lost a bet to my best friend Hannah and have to without question name my first born child Megatron and then the man unmatched me— Emily Forney (@EmilyKaitlinnn) April 21, 2022
“Open This!” A game show where CEOs try to open the packaging that they sell.— Tressie McMillan Cottom (@tressiemcphd) April 20, 2022
I do not want to be on the computer ... I want to be an elderly Mediterranean man who spends all day sitting outside a cafe and complaining with his friends— Gabriella Paiella (@GMPaiella) April 19, 2022
the vibe at small airports is like if they made your divorced dad’s apartment a business— amelia elizalde (@ameliaelizalde) April 19, 2022
every clothing ad now is like “to me, activism is just being myself in my favorite jeans” “I protest for my community in my fresh kicks” “my freckles? break barriers.” please enough— raina (@quakerraina) April 20, 2022
i was in the car with my MIL and i was playing blink-182 and she asked if it was “Green Door” and i said yes and she said “oh nice i love him”— kim (@KimmyMonte) April 19, 2022
My boyfriend (25) just asked if I (27) had internet in high school 😐— kethi =) (@LACTAlD) April 19, 2022
Tried to type "neurodivergence" but of course my phone remembers that ONE time I typed NEURODEEZNUTS— Liz Bernstein (she/they) 🏳️🌈 (@yeralizard) April 17, 2022
LA is scary because sometimes you tell someone you just met at a party that you don't like a TV show and they tell you they're on the writing team...— emily (@ectannenbaum) April 17, 2022
In unrelated news, I like every single television show ever made.
My dad definitely went for looks, my mom’s food deserves to be on fear factor 😭— UNIQUE (@_m_unique) April 17, 2022
I don’t meditate, but I do sometimes leave my phone in the other room when I’m watching TV, so— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) April 20, 2022
Writers: What's the most important part of your writing process?— Aubrey Hirsch (@aubreyhirsch) April 20, 2022
For me, it's closely inspecting all of the houses within 20 miles of me that are listed on Zillow.
Going on my first vacation w boyfriend does anyone have any tips/tricks for holding in ur shit for 8 days— ali segel (@OnlineAlison) April 19, 2022
surprising that “here are 17 newly released movies called like, Code Alert. they all star Ryan Reynolds” isn’t a winning formula for netflix— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) April 19, 2022
My friends developed an inside joke while I wasn’t there and I’ll be taking each of them to court individually and suing for intense psychological abuse— brooke (@ladyefron) April 19, 2022
I hate restaurants that won’t seat you unless your whole party is here!!! what r u gonna gain from making me stand awkwardly in the corner like why am I being punished for being on time— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) April 18, 2022
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