The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
my mother, staring down at my open casket: is that what you're wearing
— elle (@notfunnyelle) April 27, 2022
i dont simply go through airport security. i have a goal. i want everyone in line to be blown away by my efficiency. i want to be celebrated as i push my belongings across the table. i want TSA to offer me a job (i’ll decline). i want people talking about me at their gate. glory.
— shelby wolstein (@ShelbyWolstein) April 26, 2022
If we want to raise the money to buy twitter back and put it in the hands of the people, we’re going to have to put on the greatest talent show this town’s ever seen
— Brittany Van Horne (@_brittanyv) April 26, 2022
I am so incredibly talented. I have the ability to go from looking at myself in the mirror sobbing because I’m ugly to five seconds later thinking I’d have a shot with Andrew Garfield if he just got to know me.
— brooke (@ladyefron) April 24, 2022
Sure I could work on pursuing my goals but have you seen this show where Japanese toddlers run errands
— Naomi Ekperigin (@Blacktress) April 26, 2022
There’s a really messed up stereotype that women can only do push-ups on our knees. Actually, some of us can’t do them at all. We exist.
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) April 26, 2022
you gotta call people medieval insults. miscreant, scoundrel, DEGENERATE! it’s so classy
— god tier hoochie ❤️🔥 (@_benjvmins_) April 28, 2022
I am so sick of people bragging on social media pic.twitter.com/24FTfjo6m5
— raina (@quakerraina) April 24, 2022
I really am shallow enough that when I get blood drawn and they’re like wow you have great veins it does brighten my day considerably
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) April 26, 2022
I 100% get why it’s cringy for straight couples to say partner but can we have something else? I’m so old. So so old for boyfriend. Butler? Can I say this is my long term butler?
— Alison Agosti (@AlisonAgosti) April 25, 2022
i do not believe in the “oh you’re a chicago 8, then you’re an LA 5” logic, i just know if i am in new york, i never pay for meals, if i am in LA, i never pay for drinks and if i am in appleton wisconsin i could get a man to buy me a house in 4 days
— ashley ray (@theeashleyray) April 24, 2022
it’s lesbian visibility week so LOOK AT ME but not too hard but not too soft either. Squint but don’t look suspicious, so smile but don’t make it creepy
— sarah schauer 🦂 (@sarahschauer) April 25, 2022
Hulu be turning on ANYTHING after your show goes off
— LAUREN B. BROWN (@RAGGEDYROYAL) April 25, 2022
If rebirth is real I pray I don’t get born into a YouTube vlog family
— Sue Sylvester apologist (@jaxajueny) April 26, 2022
u should be able to order a chocolate chip cookie medium rare
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 25, 2022
a modern 13 going on 30 remake where jenna wakes up at 30 and she’s in debt and on an ssri
— Johanna Ramm (@johannaramm) April 26, 2022
I wish there were a finite number of things you could google in your lifetime. oh I’ve only got 600 googles left?? guess I don’t have to know how tall laura dern is. guess I could pick up a book or have a conversation with someone I love
— Laura Peek (@laurapeek_) April 24, 2022
im exiting my “no worries if not” era. yes worries if not. yes worries if not!!!!
— dana bad (@baddanadanabad) April 28, 2022
Shout out to the woman last night who asked me what I did and when I told her I wrote graphic novels for children, looked appalled and asked what kind of market there was for writing erotica for kids.
— Stephanie Cooke - OH MY GODS 2 is out now! (@hellocookie) April 28, 2022
Voldemort was really beefing with a pre teen
— abby govindan (@abbygov) April 25, 2022
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