The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
my mom is a lawyer and when i was like 13 we got in an argument and she accidentally called me "your honour". never really came back from that one.
— Katie Martin (@katiedimartin) May 3, 2023
the best part of starting a new job is all 4 of your grandparents are alive again.
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) April 30, 2023
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA pic.twitter.com/yzHoAOskuM
— Agnes (@agnesfrim) May 1, 2023
watching succession and thoroughly understanding all the business deal plotlines pic.twitter.com/B9G5KXkewP
— julia reinstein 🚡 (@juliareinstein) May 1, 2023
just had a therapist say “you know what, i don’t feel like i have the bandwidth for this right now, we need to reschedule” like 8 minutes into our session. and that was it, the call just ended. i need a second therapist to talk to this about lol
— Jessica Blankenship (@blanketboat) May 3, 2023
Cleaning that up will cost a pretty penne. https://t.co/hU2j1JZepc
— Hend Amry (@LibyaLiberty) May 4, 2023
People who have drive and determination impress me. Yesterday one of my kitchen drawers got stuck and I was like, guess I’m never using a fork again.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 5, 2023
I just accidentally uploaded this instead of my invoice on a company's invoicing portal and I can't delete it pic.twitter.com/Bxg8RRy4ha
— Amelia Tait (@ameliargh) May 5, 2023
when the pilot says “well, folks” you know you’re in for the worst delay of your life
— Ruth Madievsky (@ruthmadievsky) May 5, 2023
{lois lane as an optometrist}
— kim (@KimmyMonte) April 30, 2023
ok, dave, let's put these glasses on you to see how they fit… wait who the fuck are you? where did dave go?
I’m kind of dying at all the dudes lamenting what women wear at the gym “nowadays” when this is the stuff people literally used to wear to workout in the 80s. pic.twitter.com/FK3P4cRo5J
— celia (@_celia_bedelia_) April 30, 2023
sat btwn two guys on a United flight today. one was coding and one was cheating on his wife
— jamie loftus 🌭 (@jamieloftusHELP) May 5, 2023
I’m in tears. This baker said she misread the customer text asking for a “Elmo” cake & instead made an “emo” cake but realized last minute & tried to improvise. Y’all 😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/5aUW2z1LeQ
— I appreciate you. (@DeeLaSheeArt) May 4, 2023
if i was the dj at a hockey game i would play the mmmmmwhatcha say song every time the opposing team scored to really drive home the vibe
— anne t donahue (@annetdonahue) May 4, 2023
some of the tastiest looking water in cinema history, undeniably! pic.twitter.com/jgHrKm0MVQ
— moth (@puppymoth) May 4, 2023
drama in the school whatsapp chat! the PTA invited us all to a coronation party and one of the dads (who's a professor of colonial history) said eat my dick
— Emma Szewczak (@EmmaSzewczak) May 3, 2023
The best part of the Met Gala was this dogs reaction 😂pic.twitter.com/MxqHRDYLLZ
— Stefanie (@fastpitstop) May 2, 2023
Gen Z is amazing. I asked a (paid) intern to bring me 50 blank pieces of copier paper and when she brought them in they were warm. Turns out that, rather than count them, she set the copier to 50 and printed blank sheets. Genius.
— 𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕖_𝔻𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕖 (@SundaeDivine) May 2, 2023
he’s always got a tiny sour lemon candy in his mouth https://t.co/O2Gtf3pLmx
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) May 2, 2023
i wasn’t born to work a 9-5 i was born to play the sims
— trash jones (@jzux) May 3, 2023
This girlie did not use her class privilege to stop child labor in factories only for kids to be making nighttime Big Macs 120 years later. https://t.co/QdqQZn8PKg pic.twitter.com/AUc5eDmBB8
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) May 3, 2023
When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) May 4, 2023
me: hey babe, are you Leonardo DiCaprio because you are keeping it under 25
— meghan (@deloisivete) May 1, 2023
slow driver in front of me:
op-eds in 2020: what if this pandemic is the thing that finally brings everyone together?
— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) May 4, 2023
op-eds in 2023: it is fine, actually, to hunt people you don’t like for sport
Used to work at a vet clinic and secretly charged anyone who named their dog Bella a hidden fee of $2…easiest 15 grand I’ve ever made
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) May 3, 2023
Shout out to the woman on this flight who complained about her seatbelt smelling weird and subsequently got moved to a vacant seat in first class. Well played, ma’am.
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) May 5, 2023
Cashier: Your total is $2,967.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) May 4, 2023
Me: Okay. Please take off the greeting card.
Cashier: Your total is now $7.
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