The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
one time in college i was so mad a guy rejected me i updated my facebook status to "who even really cares" and it wasn't until a week later i realized i posted that on the anniversary of 9/11
— lexaprofessional (@queasy_f_bby) April 12, 2022
stop glamorising The Hustle and start glamorising whatever lifestyle this is pic.twitter.com/DWZhPYw8A4
— Grace Jarvis (@gracejarvisohno) April 13, 2022
We have plumbers working in our house. I just heard one of them say “Lefty loosey, righty tighty.” I know we’re in good hands.
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) April 12, 2022
One of my greatest joys in life is when Jeff calls the vet to make an appointment and they ask for his name, and he says, Jeff. Then, they ask for our cat's name, and I watch him gather his strength before he tells them, Baby Jeff.
— Brittany Means (@BrittanyMeansIt) April 13, 2022
today was my brother’s bday party. we discussed my brother’s middle name, Arturo (Arthur in Spanish).
— Rachy 🦙 (@rachy_) April 10, 2022
Mom: There was a popular Star Wars character loved in Peru named “Arturito,” so we went with that.
Me: WAIT DO YOU MEAN R2D2?!
Dad: Yes, the robot.
WHAT??!!! 🤯😭🤖☠️
being a mom must be wild. you go thru pregnancy and labor and years of raising a vulnerable helpless child and then they become an adult just to call you every day with questions "hi should I put apples in the fridge??"
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) April 13, 2022
do you think they were giggling inside the Trojan horse
— LJ😼 (@crotchner) April 14, 2022
Once I was in an elevator w/ 5 strangers & a lady ran up at the last second. Instead of helping her, we all watched the doors close. I said, "Good. I never liked her" to what I thought would be big laughs. Nope. As I rode 10 floors in thick silence, they shut me out even harder
— Hi, it's Abby. Yep (@abbycohenwl) April 11, 2022
I was once on a plane with three crying babies and the most annoying people on the flight were the couple in their 60s next to me who performatively put their fingers in their ears the entire time.
— Arielle Dundas (@ArielleDundas) April 13, 2022
being a psychotherapist is hard. not because of the intensity of the work but because a client brought up the Ultimatum and I couldn’t be like BITCH RIGHT LET’S TALK ABOUT IT
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 13, 2022
i still can’t believe a girl slid into my DMs and was like “is your ex ___” and i was like “omg ya” and expected juicy goss and instead she was just like “is he toxic bc he seems normal” and i was like “ya he’s normal” anti climactic, ice cold tea, zero stars
— dana bad (@baddanadanabad) April 12, 2022
microdosing catholicism by feeling vaguely ashamed all day for no particular reason
— trash jones (@jzux) April 13, 2022
The year was 2011. I was 18. I had practiced asking my dad if I can go on holiday with my friends for weeks now. I finally get the courage and ask. My heart is pounding!!!! He looks at me and then goes "I want you to watch a film called Taken"
— sz (@__sxzhr) April 10, 2022
She had an hourglass figure, in that sand was constantly going through it & it reminded you of mortality. Her doctors kept insisting, stop eating all this sand, you’re going to die
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) April 11, 2022
The dmv be like you forgot to bring the Declaration of Independence
— sandra 🤠 (@sandra32gonza) April 14, 2022
Too much body positivity on my feed. Humans are disgusting. Skin is gross. We have so many holes. There’s a skeleton inside. Uncomfortable just seeing one of us in public.
— emma barrie (@emmabarrie) April 14, 2022
How's your day going? I just grabbed my phone to take a photo of a smell.
— Amanda Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) April 14, 2022
pour one out for the groceries you’ve lost to ADHD
— dyke entering depression (@madblackdyke) April 13, 2022
I keep doing that thing where I tap her right shoulder but I’m on the left https://t.co/RjsYkmJBdz
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) April 9, 2022
I was massaging my client's back and I told him he had silky smooth skin and then realised that might sound creepy, so I panic-added "I don't want to make a lampshade or anything" for good measure
— That Pesky Aubrie (@AubriePesky) April 15, 2022
