The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
babe you’re looking a little dehydrated. have you had enough diet coke today?
— trash jones (@jzux) December 17, 2022
I think someone should’ve tried domesticating bears 10,000 years ago. We really missed the mark with that. Could be cuddled up with a bear right now but whatever.
— erin🏻 (@erinmhk) December 17, 2022
You know… CPS should’ve gotten involved with Kevin. How your parents lose you TWO Christmases in a row???
— jaya. (@jayacancook) December 19, 2022
can't believe it's already that time of year again for me to frantically google "gifts for my step dad who likes golf"
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) December 19, 2022
my ducks? in a row. ordered. disciplined. behaving predictably.
— sydney is doing yoga (2/100) (@demiurgently) December 19, 2022
your ducks? scattered. in disarray. waddling aimlessly. desperate for a leader to impose structure.
pathetic.
My niece made me play school with her and she’s the teacher and I said “thanks girl” and she said “I’m not your girl” lmfaooo they strict in here!
— fragrance and foolishness (@Brieyonce) December 19, 2022
Everyone is a nepo baby in some way. For example I was born to be a public school art teacher and could pivot in that direction at any time
— raina (@quakerraina) December 19, 2022
I love coming home because my parents pamper me. For instance my dad just gave me a military grade flashlight that I don’t want
— kelly cooper (@kellyccooper) December 20, 2022
If only there was some sort of seasonally appropriate story about the ills of one man having too much money and being awful to everyone.
— Geraldine @everywhereist@mastodon.social (@everywhereist) December 18, 2022
realized customer service wasn’t for me when a lady on the phone told me i didn’t know how to do my job and i said “well walk me through it” and she hung up
— αηgεℓα вαssεтт sтαη αccσυηт (@heyyitsjanea) December 19, 2022
I’m in the gay club shaking my ass and somebody whispered in my ear “find the beat” lmfaoooooooooooooa
— 🤸🏿♀️ (@davinccdeez) December 19, 2022
how do i explain to the massage guy that i want the pressure level to kill me
— monica heisey (@monicaheisey) December 20, 2022
I suck at Christmas shopping. I be like
— Nッ (@Noorthevirgo) December 21, 2022
"wow this is sooo cute.......... for me"
Who wants to tell this office about their “angel wings?!” pic.twitter.com/3Cm1ezbb47
— Sarah Wasserman (@SarahLWasserman) December 22, 2022
my parents at 30: whew, we weren't expecting to have a third kid and a new car this year, but I think we can swing it
— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) December 22, 2022
me at 30: I was not expecting to have to replace an extra lightbulb in my home this year and now financial ruin is upon me
Has anyone figured out how to visit your hometown without reverting to your 15 year old self ? Lmk
— eliza (@elizamclamb) December 21, 2022
so funny that one of santa’s reindeer is named Vixen. imagine your name is John and your brothers’ names are Jim, James, Josh, and Slut
— trash jones (@jzux) December 20, 2022
Nepo baby pic.twitter.com/sqTfZQPy9p
— Jaya Saxena (@jayasax) December 19, 2022
why is hollywood so afraid to talk about why Lindsay Lohan’s twin sister stopped getting work after the parent trap
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) December 21, 2022
a little boy next to me spilled his drink in the airport and I instinctively handed him two emergency napkins from my bag. brb achieving my final form as Asian Mom
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) December 20, 2022
i think customers should just stop and wait for me and my coworkers to finish our little girly chit chat before disturbing us
— 𝔟𝔯𝔦 (@ufobri) December 21, 2022
i know it seems like im an hour late but i was planning to be 20 minutes late so im actually only forty minutes late you know what i mean
— dana bad (@baddanadanabad) December 21, 2022
boston asks the important question: what if a city wasn't walkable or drivable
— isabelle (@elagaybalus) December 22, 2022
A weighted blanket is not enough, I need whatever is going on here pic.twitter.com/EmaKbtNaRS
— Eleanor (@eleanorkpenny) December 20, 2022
thank you so much for the kind words! i don’t believe them
— melissa broder (@melissabroder) December 17, 2022
i honestly have respect for the popular girls in third grade for figuring out i was neurodivergent before any trained medical professional ever did
— Layla (@laylaanna_) December 21, 2022
My mother’s over and just announced that she brought her own salt shaker because she “can’t stand” mine, happy holidays!
— Jewel Staite (@JewelStaite) December 23, 2022
The pile of laundry on my floor garnered 1,567 views but no engagements.
— Hend Amry (@LibyaLiberty) December 23, 2022
why are british shows so hard to find online... yall colonize the entire planet but you wont let me watch a bbc miniseries
— georgia 🜃 (@adatarg) December 22, 2022
It's annoying to have an undying love of NYC as someone who hates cold weather because logically I know that I could move to San Diego and be happy but instead I've chosen to walk around this godforsaken city freezing my tits off and hoping I run into Patti LuPone.
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) December 19, 2022
Telehealth therapy from your childhood home for the last two weeks of December is peak “reporting live from the scene” energy
— No BS Therapist (@TweetATherapist) December 22, 2022
just got an outdoor pizza oven and it's about to be my entire personality for the foreseeable future
— Jenny Yang (@jennyyangtv) December 22, 2022
People who wear shorts in the winter: you have nothing to prove. There is no hyperthermia trophy.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) December 23, 2022
if i had a boyfriend i would put him in a big fish tank and tap on the glass a bunch
— billie-rae (@heybillierae) December 21, 2022
