The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Instead of asking "what do you do" I really recommend punching up any social function you happen to be at with "so who do you hate here"
— Delia Cai (@delia_cai) February 20, 2022
i hate LA so much this white girl spilled her entire drink on me last night and when i confronted her she said “you’re so brave. i’m listening and learning”
— coco 🕊 (@daddyluver69) February 19, 2022
my bank blocked my card because of a security threat. it was me, buying a mattress, at 2 am. i am my own biggest threat
— ꧁Madimoiselle꧂ (@drivingmemadi) February 22, 2022
Imagine playing truth or dare at a party and they dare you to go home
— ℳ ❧ (@breezybbae) February 22, 2022
Just thinking how much I loved Grease as a kid, and how I really thought I was gonna be in high school wearing poodle skirts and being 35.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) February 19, 2022
does anyone else’s boyfriend say “I got a new shirt!” and then they put on a shirt that looks exactly like 3 other shirts they already have or am I the only lucky one
— Katie Nolan (@katienolan) February 20, 2022
Why are all podcasts “two best friends” I want a podcast that’s Two sworn enemies. Just two bitches that absolutely hate each other
— manic pixie cheese curd, MPH (@tildawhirl) February 23, 2022
I think so yeah pic.twitter.com/D4rdZLrULE
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) February 21, 2022
Nothing says you're nearing 40 more than sending a text after a night out that says "oh here's that soup recipe I was talking about."
— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) February 19, 2022
my mom is always like “I’d still love you if you MURDERED someone” and it’s like ok is that a dare
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) February 23, 2022
Label: Chicken of the Sea
— eLeni (@eleniZarro) February 22, 2022
My brain: pic.twitter.com/SOnIWaLikA
Depression is not when you listen to Phoebe Bridgers. Depression is when you listen to Macklemore just to pretend it's 2012
— Rachel McCartney (@RachelMComedy) February 19, 2022
Little boys with biblical names be bad AF. Right up there with silver caps behavior.
— Miss Shawn! FKA @thepbg (@MsCaShawn) February 22, 2022
by the time i die this will almost certainly be the sound i’ve laughed at most in my life https://t.co/IQGhRONid1
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) February 21, 2022
There’s a couple next to me arguing bc they’re supposed to be in San Jose CABO, but they ended up in San Jose, CA😂😭 I’d be fckn hot
— karina (@karinamonique_v) February 20, 2022
I couldn’t date somebody w a foot fetish not because I would disrespect that but bc I stub my toes too much and they’d be like “babe the art:/“ and I’d be like noo not again & they would cheat on me w somebody who has gorgeous unbruised toes
— michaela okland (@MichaelaOkla) February 23, 2022
i’m at the lidl
— molly carroll (@mollygos) February 19, 2022
i’m at the 11th century archaeological dig site
i’m at the combination lidl / 11th century archaeological dig site pic.twitter.com/m7sLqzGry3
Shout out to everyone else in an uncomfortable position but too exhausted to move
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) February 23, 2022
Living in colder climate you have to deal with snow, sleet, freezing temperatures and that one asshole friend who texts you, “It’s 80° where I am.”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 20, 2022
I like Dua Lipa because all of her songs give me little instructions
— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) February 21, 2022
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