Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Love when nobody is at the airport but TSA still makes you go through the rope maze to get to them. Like yes go off I’m your little rat.— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) January 9, 2023
My mom’s 60-something friend was set up with a 67-year-old guy who is “not looking for anything serious” in case you think that ever ends— Sara K. Runnels (@omgskr) January 8, 2023
My favorite thing about Rent the Runway is sleeping in a $700 sweater for no reason.— CORINNE FISHER (@PhilanthropyGal) January 10, 2023
I went on a hike with my mother and when she saw a chipmunk eating an acorn she shook her head and said “he’s making a big mess”— muna (@Muna_Mire) January 8, 2023
being an auntie is so fun I just make shit up. I told my niece I have t-mobile and t-mobile don’t got the right satellites to play jojo siwa music— alex (@turntineforwhat) January 8, 2023
No piece of comedy is as funny as your friend accidentally saying a word a little bit wrong— limp brittzkit (@Brittymigs) January 8, 2023
I’m a nepo baby (my parents never kicked me off their cell phone plan)— Amy Wong (@amyewong) January 10, 2023
it's actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing and so many people are still like, no thanks the suffering is what makes it special.— Ally Maynard (@missmayn) January 10, 2023
The year is 2042. New York City is underwater. As I get on the last shuttle bound for Earth 2, I receive a push alert on my phone: Prince Harry Admits in Memoir ‘Spare’ That …— Gabriella Paiella (@GMPaiella) January 10, 2023
I do not want to enter my two factor authentication code. I want to feed an apple to a horse— Sarah Lazarus (@sarahclazarus) January 9, 2023
Hilary Duff please make this rain STOP.— Taylor Banks (@MsTaylorBanks) January 10, 2023
Movie Pitch: Jennifer Coolidge and Owen Wilson just saying “wow” at each other.— Alicia Lutes (@alicialutes) January 11, 2023
just saw a kid in petsmart with his hands and face pressed against an adoptable cat's glass cage telling the cat they need to "form a plan" because his mom said no and whispering his full home address to the cat. i think the kids will be alright— haley (@feederofcats) January 9, 2023
no more fun facts. i want to hear a scary, unsettling fact about you— trash jones (@jzux) January 9, 2023
Whenever I’m feeling down, I remember the company dinner when an intern turned to our CEO and asked, “Who are you?”— Kat Lewis (@katjolewis) January 9, 2023
drinking less has been great for me because it means that it now only takes me two sips of a gin and tonic to text all my friends individually about how special and valued they are— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) January 10, 2023
bolsonaro eating kfc for the first time then immediately being rushed to the hospital is more evidence for my theory that the american gut biome is uniquely strong and the primary tool we have to maintain our dominance as a world superpower into the 21st century— lauren (@NotABigJerk) January 9, 2023
fuck wine tasting is soup tasting a thing??? trying loads of soups with fresh bread??? please??? anyone else???— Em (@SleepyEm1) January 10, 2023
If I had a nickel for every time I saw a wealthy British ginger attempt to convince their dad to not marry an evil stepmom and move into a California mansion, I’d have two nickels. It isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice. pic.twitter.com/IcwkoyQdO4— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) January 10, 2023
today I walked past the most beautiful bookshelf and decided this was the time where I would buy something beautiful on a whim and own it forever. I looked at the price tag and the fucker was 70 thousand dollars.— natalie tran (@natalietran) January 12, 2023
Grandma: I checked your book out from the library, but I wrinkled it a little bit before I returned it, so people would know it's popular.— Kelly Ohlert (@KellyOhlert) January 11, 2023
I'm retiring from marketing. Grandma is taking over.
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