The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
queue is such a funny word. you get it right on the first letter and then take four victory laps
— alex (@_unwell) July 5, 2022
i don’t think ive ever felt more elegant than the time i said ‘i’ll have the salmon’ at my 26th birthday at the american girl cafe
— jamie loftus 🏂 (@jamieloftusHELP) July 3, 2022
My AirPods are purely ceremonial, just keeps people from talking to me. They haven’t made sound since the great machine wash debacle of 17’
— Jess Fuchs (@JessRFuchs) July 2, 2022
had a nice chat w my cab driver in Seoul and at the end he asked if he could set me up with his son, who is apparently “not that bad.” So yeah, I’m getting married, baby!!!!!!!!!!!
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) July 3, 2022
every time a new stranger things season drops ppl r like "we all love blorpy, the beloved new character" and then a week later "how could they just kill blorpy like that" open your eyes
— bec (@becbenepla) July 3, 2022
notice how we say “girl” when excited and “man” when disappointed
— Lazzyyyyyy (@em_Lazzy) July 2, 2022
It Happened To Me: I started watching a teen show and became more invested in the parents' plotline.
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) July 2, 2022
It’s messed up that you can surrender a baby at a fire station up until they’re three days old. That’s way too young to be a firefighter
— Andrea More (@amore_orless) July 3, 2022
Ok I’m gonna start books as soon as I finish the internet
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) July 3, 2022
do you ever absolutely butcher a social interaction and you’re like damn i can’t take myself anywhere
— trash jones (@jzux) July 6, 2022
Deviled eggs? Honey get your religion out of my lunch
— Nori Reed (@realnorireed) July 6, 2022
due to the increase in gas prices a man hanging from the passenger side of his best friend’s ride is no longer a scrub, he is a man making smart financial decisions and I’m intrigued
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) July 4, 2022
I need an upside down water bottle next to my bed like a hamster
— limp brittzkit (@Brittymigs) July 4, 2022
the later my bf sleeps the longer the unhinged “here’s every single thought ive had since i woke up” monologue i launch into the second he opens his eyes
— dana bad (@baddanadanabad) July 7, 2022
when I worked at subway we were always outta meatballs and people would be like any meatballs left???? And I’d be like no and they’d be like today sucks!!! I was a sandwich artist but also I ruined lives
— Maggie? Winters? (@saggiesplinters) July 7, 2022
“everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it” - my husband 😂
— sophia sopaipilla (@phiamenina) July 4, 2022
I introduced my dad to binge watching and half way through the 5th season of Breaking Bad he declared, 'This is the weirdest movie I've ever seen, it's so long.'
— smerobin (@smerobin) July 6, 2022
it’s crazy how your siblings actually have their own lives i literally see them as side characters in mine
— leva (@itsboleva) July 4, 2022
do what you love and you’ll never own property a day in your life
— i can be your long lost pal (@PallaviGunalan) July 6, 2022
Can’t believe my mum said to the guy on the plane sat next to us “where u off too then” and he replied “hopefully same place as you love” hahahahaha 😂😂😂
— Kirsty Allum (@KirstAllum) July 5, 2022
Me: So my husband --
— Caitlin Driscoll (@TeacherOnTopic) July 5, 2022
First grader: You have a husband?
Me: I do, the whole time you've known me.
First grader: Oh. I always thought you were feral.
Me: Er, do you mean 'single'?
First grader: Whatever the word is that you use for stray cats.
🙀
running into your old statistics professor be like “what are the chances”
— Rads (@_radsy) July 4, 2022
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