The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Me: brutally murdered and found dumped on the side of the highway
— randall shart (married) (@randyshart) June 6, 2022
Two 35yr old women with a podcast: ok murder muffins we got a real oopy goopy spoopy story for you today!
Squarespace ad: ARE YOU LOOKING TO EXPAND Y
dads love to take traffic personally
— claire parker (@SorryDontClaire) June 5, 2022
“What do you want for your birthday?”
— cwty pie (@cwtyp) June 8, 2022
*forgets everything I’ve ever wanted in life*
my uber driver took a call on speaker and it’s his mom accusing him of stealing her credit card and spending $6400. obv giving 5 stars, love this drama.
— dana bad (@baddanadanabad) June 9, 2022
The four seasons are depression, allergies, tomatoes and spooky
— Molly Fitzpatrick (@mollyfitz) June 5, 2022
i didn't know two of the wiggles were married and then broke up but kept performing together. the fleetwood mac of childrens entertainment
— amy b (@arb) June 5, 2022
the girl boss is dead, long live the girl moss (lying on the floor of the forest and being absorbed back into nature)
— Daisy Alioto (@daisandconfused) June 6, 2022
The lady who stamped my passport asked why I was going to Italy and I said a vacation with my friends and she looked me up and down and said “well where are your friends” 😭😭😭
— dove clarke 🕊 (@lovedoveclarke) June 4, 2022
love that cats get irritated and walk away after you accidentally move 1 inch. what if you saw someone eating and they fumbled with their napkin and you just went “ugh” and left the restaurant
— sarah schauer 🦂 (@sarahschauer) June 7, 2022
Men will literally use your beauty products in the shower and not even know what it’s for. Leave my dark spot exfoliating scrub alone!!!!!
— ItGIRL (@AaliyahJay) June 7, 2022
Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife's plans for the second time.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) June 8, 2022
Me coming home from the pub so pissed that I try to make myself some toast using my handbag instead of the toaster. pic.twitter.com/9FSCVXcb0G
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) June 4, 2022
I love saying "absolutely not" saying "no" just aint dramatic enough for me😭
— ★࿐ (@heysilk_) June 6, 2022
Unsolicited career advice: Go to school for what you love, even if it won’t make you money. Study classic languages. Make a few really close friends. Go poisonous mushroom hunting together. Cover up the death of your close friend with a well timed blizzard.
— Rachel Mans McKenny (@rmmckenny) June 9, 2022
Cooking for 3 hours 🤝 losing your appetite by the time u done cooking.
— Perm (@gemperm) June 8, 2022
everyone was freaking out when winona ryder shoplifted a cashmere marc jacobs sweater 20 years ago and now she’s the face of their brand for the second time since getting arrested. proof you should never stop shoplifting
— helen (@helen) June 4, 2022
father son and holy ghost pic.twitter.com/672TPg9l0w
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) June 5, 2022
I tell such good stories my therapist should pay ME.
— Ego Nwodim (@eggy_boom) June 9, 2022
i deleted my IG literally 36 mins ago and this man just texted me saying that he can’t believe i blocked him
— terra (@aBluesforTara) June 8, 2022
i understand why old people type like this...... it's so addicting...... like a bitch just be trailing off...... ominously.... who knows..
— heather ☆ (@gothcowboys) June 5, 2022
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