did I “kill a plant” or did the plant not have what it takes to thrive in this fast-paced environment— Sarah Lazarus (@sarahclazarus) June 20, 2022
Everyone compliments the jumpsuit when you wear it out—but when you get to the bathroom it’s just you and your choices— Sarah Marian Seltzer (@sarahmseltzer) June 18, 2022
First 2 drinks don’t count if u have anxiety, they just turn u into a normal person— DIVINE🌺 (@sheluvyarii) June 20, 2022
Two incomes is better than one, queens make sure your man has two jobs— Annabelle ➐ (@Annabllebitch7) June 19, 2022
the dude next to me on the plane just absolutely rawdogged this entire flight… he got on a TEN HOUR FLIGHT to europe in jeans, no headphones, no book, no neck pillow, literally just a paper cup of coffee without a lid like sir are you ok— nesrin danan (@blackprints) June 22, 2022
don't touch that, it's my emotional support stack of unused notebooks— emery lord (@emerylord) June 22, 2022
My favorite thing is people who have the idea that cats are these independent loners with pitch-perfect survival instincts who literally do not need humans for anything finding out that cats are actually small dinguses who don't know how to drink water correctly.— Elle Has Cats (@ellle_em) June 20, 2022
my love language is acts of service if i ask for a glass of water i need you to stand up go like dis and run to the kitchen— bringbackmyspace (@HypeSoMellow) June 20, 2022
Just saw a billboard for Morton salt and it’s like….you have nothing to worry about. I can’t name another salt— Laura Peek (@laurapeek_) June 19, 2022
dating apps have been very confusing for me because though I am technically someone with an “active lifestyle” and a “dark sense of humor” I am not the things those are euphemisms for (“thin” and “doesn’t mind racial slurs”)— "Daddy Magic" Kath Barbadoro (@kathbarbadoro) June 20, 2022
Love the deli paper on the doctor’s table. Mmm I’m a sick little sandwich— 👩🏻🚀 (@lanyardigan) June 20, 2022
whoever named the nervous system did a great job— chase (@_chase_____) June 19, 2022
my grandma taught nutrition at a college and one time i looked at her rate my professor page and it was like “this lady called everyone fat” and it’s nice that there are so many strangers who have that in common w me— dana bad (@baddanadanabad) June 19, 2022
I keep secrets by forgetting what you told me almost immediately— Midge (@mxmclain) June 22, 2022
every week my therapist says she will ‘see me next Tuesday’ and it is making me more mentally ill than ever… she has to know… i know she knows— jamie loftus 🏂 (@jamieloftusHELP) June 22, 2022
Just sent my blazed girlfriend off to the shops with a list and when I told her to be careful as she left she said “this is exactly like an episode of Old Enough” lmao— Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) June 18, 2022
It's not a tropical vacation episode of a reality show unless there is b-roll of an iguana turning its head.— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) June 19, 2022
Recovering people pleasers will be like "I am in my villain era!" and it's just politely drawing healthy boundaries.— Fay Lane (@faera_lane) June 21, 2022
He’s a 10 but out of 100— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) June 22, 2022
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