The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
did I “kill a plant” or did the plant not have what it takes to thrive in this fast-paced environment
— Sarah Lazarus (@sarahclazarus) June 20, 2022
Everyone compliments the jumpsuit when you wear it out—but when you get to the bathroom it’s just you and your choices
— Sarah Marian Seltzer (@sarahmseltzer) June 18, 2022
First 2 drinks don’t count if u have anxiety, they just turn u into a normal person
— DIVINE🌺 (@sheluvyarii) June 20, 2022
Two incomes is better than one, queens make sure your man has two jobs
— Annabelle ➐ (@Annabllebitch7) June 19, 2022
the dude next to me on the plane just absolutely rawdogged this entire flight… he got on a TEN HOUR FLIGHT to europe in jeans, no headphones, no book, no neck pillow, literally just a paper cup of coffee without a lid like sir are you ok
— nesrin danan (@blackprints) June 22, 2022
don't touch that, it's my emotional support stack of unused notebooks
— emery lord (@emerylord) June 22, 2022
Got this game for my dad for Father's day! He hates it! pic.twitter.com/DJ1QLBE4z4
— inspector ratchet (@_hood_mona_lisa) June 19, 2022
My favorite thing is people who have the idea that cats are these independent loners with pitch-perfect survival instincts who literally do not need humans for anything finding out that cats are actually small dinguses who don't know how to drink water correctly.
— Elle Has Cats (@ellle_em) June 20, 2022
my love language is acts of service if i ask for a glass of water i need you to stand up go like dis 🫡 and run to the kitchen
— bringbackmyspace (@HypeSoMellow) June 20, 2022
Just saw a billboard for Morton salt and it’s like….you have nothing to worry about. I can’t name another salt
— Laura Peek (@laurapeek_) June 19, 2022
dating apps have been very confusing for me because though I am technically someone with an “active lifestyle” and a “dark sense of humor” I am not the things those are euphemisms for (“thin” and “doesn’t mind racial slurs”)
— "Daddy Magic" Kath Barbadoro (@kathbarbadoro) June 20, 2022
Love the deli paper on the doctor’s table. Mmm I’m a sick little sandwich
— 👩🏻🚀 (@lanyardigan) June 20, 2022
whoever named the nervous system did a great job
— chase (@_chase_____) June 19, 2022
my grandma taught nutrition at a college and one time i looked at her rate my professor page and it was like “this lady called everyone fat” and it’s nice that there are so many strangers who have that in common w me
— dana bad (@baddanadanabad) June 19, 2022
I keep secrets by forgetting what you told me almost immediately
— Midge (@mxmclain) June 22, 2022
every week my therapist says she will ‘see me next Tuesday’ and it is making me more mentally ill than ever… she has to know… i know she knows
— jamie loftus 🏂 (@jamieloftusHELP) June 22, 2022
Just sent my blazed girlfriend off to the shops with a list and when I told her to be careful as she left she said “this is exactly like an episode of Old Enough” lmao
— Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) June 18, 2022
It's not a tropical vacation episode of a reality show unless there is b-roll of an iguana turning its head.
— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) June 19, 2022
Recovering people pleasers will be like "I am in my villain era!" and it's just politely drawing healthy boundaries.
— Fay Lane (@faera_lane) June 21, 2022
He’s a 10 but out of 100
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) June 22, 2022
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