The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
hulu does not care. ive been gone for six (6) hours. they're on season 2 of a show i've never heard of....
— Becca O'Neal 🍒 (@becca_oneal) March 29, 2022
Remembering that time in 8th grade when I wrote a letter to Roald Dahl telling him he was one of my favorite authors and got a really nice letter back from his publishing company informing me Roald Dahl has been dead since before I was born
— Dani Donovan 👩🏻🎨 ADHD Comics (@danidonovan) March 31, 2022
My toxic trait is I genuinely think I could walk up to a lion and they would sense my wonderful vibes and not attack me
— astro bully angie (@teaxtarot) March 26, 2022
“I got some offensive jokes, I hope will smith isn’t here” - every stand up comic at every comedy club for the rest of our lives probably
— Marcella Arguello (@marcellacomedy) March 28, 2022
one of my students brought back his report card today signed “MOMMY” 😭
— SINA SNOW (@yungk0ala) March 30, 2022
me: the netflix algorithm doesn't know me at all
— Kathryn VanArendonk (@kvanaren) March 31, 2022
netflix: here is a japanese reality show about very very young children being sent on ambitious solo errands pic.twitter.com/eTgzJgIcJ4
Playing “Is it cake?” around the apartment. My belongings are ruined. My husband’s in the hospital. Nothing is cake. What have I done?!
— Taylor Cox (@ImTaylorCox) March 30, 2022
if ur alarm is “by the seaside” you are one unserious mf 😭
— sarah lugor! (@sarahlugor) March 27, 2022
Doctors will be like “when you want something sweet, try fruit!” The stuff candy is based on??? I’ll stick with the candy. The fruit deluxe if you will
— Caitlin (@caithuls) March 28, 2022
I shit you not a woman is watching Shrek next me on the tube loudly from her phone and I looked over at it and she turned her phone so I could also watch Shrek
— Megan Townsend (@mmtowns) March 29, 2022
The most realistic Harry Potter storyline is the one where he can’t handle that his girlfriend cries a lot
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) March 31, 2022
the best thing about Heathers is that it takes place in the world where the most popular girls in school all dress like 46-year-old realtors getting their groove back after Dennis walked out pic.twitter.com/tuBeYKivtB
— your friend, Dracula (@Remember_Sarah) March 31, 2022
Me, my whole life: [takes hours to complete something that should take 30 minutes]
— Sarah Hollowell 🐋 (@sarahhollowell) March 29, 2022
Me, almost every day: I should be able to do several days of work tomorrow so it's fine to take a break today.
i be coming up with the wildest excuses to procrastinate, brain like ‘my core temp isn’t high enough to answer that email, gotta take a shower’
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) March 28, 2022
8 years ago, a wrong number texted me and we just played along. We met up to grab a drink and fell in love. After dating for 2 years, we moved in together. One day, I came home to a beautiful bouquet of flowers and him on the bed fucking my Pilates instructor. This isn't us. pic.twitter.com/IhFvVBlsjK
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) March 26, 2022
“It’s the thought that counts” I say to myself as I push the lettuce I just bought to the back of the fridge
— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) March 28, 2022
I just said of a toddler who kept staring at us: “she’s just jealous cause she’s single”
— Atsuko Okatsuka (@AtsukoComedy) March 29, 2022
A girl really tatted my brother’s name on her breast. Someone that can’t do addition without his fingers. Bro.
— E Money. (@Theblackestcvke) March 29, 2022
I accidentally knocked my client's glasses off his face, so I gasped and said "Superman?!" but he didn't laugh
— That Pesky Aubrie (@AubriePesky) March 31, 2022
I closed tonight with all my black coworkers and forgot my one white coworker so when i said “Bye y’all, stay black” and then i looked at her and she said “I’ll try my best”
— shop @slaybyjanay for hair (@selfiegoddesss) March 30, 2022
LMFAOOOO
