The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
if you don’t like tiktok it’s because you haven’t spent enough time on it
— payton🌱 (@paytmitch) March 7, 2023
once they figure out which mental illness you have, your celebrity crushes, and which cute animal you like the most… it gets really good
a year ago i was dumped & facetimed my friend walking my dog and fell. she was concerned but not concerned enough to refrain from taking a screenshot and that is true friendship pic.twitter.com/nPtvfAMEXR
— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) March 7, 2023
don’t forget to leave milk and cookies out for Women
— leigh (@daughter_ion) March 8, 2023
Everyone thinks they’re resilient until they’re standing in the slightly slower checkout line.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 9, 2023
Do we all have that friend that when you go out with them it feels like they’re a local politician who knows everyone on earth and you’re their weird mute friend who just left the house for the first time in 8 years and is learning to smile again
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) March 4, 2023
it’s not much but it’s honest work https://t.co/MdITR0DSgM
— Kate (@yungkatelynne) March 9, 2023
Occasionally a job application will ask what my college GPA was and I just write in “I am 35 years old.”
— sarah kelly (@thesarahkelly) March 4, 2023
Walking the dog when we pass a mom and kid taking pics. Naturally my dog stops and poses & wont move. I tug. She stays. They laugh. Finally I say “I’m sorry, you have your phones out so she thinks you want a pic of her”. They pretend to snap a pic. Dog immediately walks on🤣🙄😭
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) March 5, 2023
there was a week when we all got really into sea shanties https://t.co/74FuV6vRW0
— Leah Marilla Thomas (@leahmarilla) March 9, 2023
sometimes I think about my physics professor who proudly brought his twin babies to class & w/tears in his eyes said I've been waiting my entire life to demonstrate the inertia twin paradox and started running around the classroom with one baby. I hope he's having a good day
— 🌈Dr. Frizzle (@Swilua) March 6, 2023
The two oldest 17-year-olds: pic.twitter.com/lHkxFPe8m2
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) March 5, 2023
how lucky for my husband that he has been on a road trip with me every single day of this Vanderpump Rules scandal
— Caitlin Bitzegaio (@caitorade) March 9, 2023
A man at Walgreen’s THREW A BOTTLE OF TYLENOL at the pharmacy tech and I caught it in flight like A League of Their Own and glared at him without saying a single word. I don’t think he’ll ever have the courage to make eye contact with a lesbian again for the rest of his life.
— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) March 8, 2023
“you still going out tonight?”
— dasha ☦︎︎ (@sokurovark) March 8, 2023
me: pic.twitter.com/EwfsI0RQbV
I once dated a guy who said squirrels were his favourite animal and when I asked him why he said because it meant he got to see them everyday and that’s probably the same reason why he was cheating on me with his coworker
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) March 6, 2023
saw a casual acquaintance on the train and we silently, mutually decided NOT to sit next to each other, but just smile and read our books in peace and you know what? NOW I wanna be her actual friend
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) March 8, 2023
I’m deleting dating apps and going back to bed with my vibrator pic.twitter.com/jQ83oIlLfC
— abby govindan (@abbygov) March 6, 2023
me to 99.99% of men: please speak to me like an intelligent adult
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) March 10, 2023
me to my financial advisor: please speak to me like I'm the dumbest person to ever live on this planet
When I worked in tech on IWD they had a celebration where the VPs shook all the women's hands on my team and then everyone stood around looking at each other until finally one of the women sighed and started cutting and plating the giant sheet cake they'd gotten us
— Evie Ebert (@ohevie) March 9, 2023
a relationship should be 50/50. you take me to the museum and i point at all the weird little guys in the paintings and say “that’s you”
— trash jones (@jzux) March 4, 2023
— Maria !!! (@MariaSmal_) March 5, 2023
asian women will be in palo alto pushing a $5000 stroller holding a birkin wearing 2-3 cartier bracelets having a 5 carat diamond ring wearing chanel sunglasses and some blonde woman wearing yoga pants at the grocery store will be like are you the nanny
— youngmi mayer (@ymmayer) March 7, 2023
Having a second cup of coffee before noon pic.twitter.com/xAVSjkU4jy
— Rose Dommu (@rosedommu) March 4, 2023
My therapist doesn’t seem concerned with whether or not I like her, which really makes me want HER therapist’s number
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) March 9, 2023
Why did no one tell me about this image of A-Rod starting a book by writing the word "Book" on A-Rod stationery pic.twitter.com/zKOHwkRLdj
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) March 7, 2023
if u ever start to feel dumb i suggest visiting a nursery or a baby u know. allow that to boost your confidence. u know soooo much more than that baby
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) March 5, 2023
actual emails from my father pic.twitter.com/PS01XQyQjY
— Ruth Hook (@ruthhook_) March 7, 2023
what my mom says: how long have you had that?
— eLeni (@eleniZarro) March 5, 2023
what she means: I hate it
top luxury find pic.twitter.com/wV7f4XFJMy
— The Notorious J.O.V. (@whotfisjovana) March 6, 2023
Wait how did jobs work before email… like did you just get home from work and… work was over ?
— michaela okland (@MichaelaOkla) March 5, 2023
We should do breakfast for dinner more. As a nation
— Rap Game Ina Garten (@KaraBTweets) March 7, 2023
Asked the nail tech if I could get my eyebrows waxed and she said no problem, I can do your upper lip too. pic.twitter.com/Ghss0j6Ftd
— Tocarra Mallard (@TocarraElise) March 5, 2023
Curious George is not a monkey because he has no tail. He is an ape. He is going to grow into a silverback gorilla and kill the man with the yellow hat in a display of dominance
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) March 5, 2023
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