Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
“we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it” ok but i’m gonna worry about the bridge now— trash jones (@jzux) May 30, 2023
fellas, don’t date that girl who’s too young for you. in college my friend dated a thirty year old and we called him “Old Balls” behind his back— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 29, 2023
I can’t go for a walk today because none of my favorite podcasts have released new episodes, and that is the only correct conclusion.— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) May 29, 2023
Stages of plant ownership:— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 28, 2023
1. I’m going to take such good care of you.
2. Oh no.
my iron levels are so low that I have to start getting IV infusions and my dr was like haven’t you noticed super low energy?? like yeah dog but I thought I was just depressed so this is actually kind of slay— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) May 31, 2023
photo dump day is such a fascinating study of other people's restraint ..... what hot selfies did they not post immediately ..... what's getting recycled from the IG stories.... whose elbows are strategically peepable.... art history courses for this era gonna be wild— delia (@delia_cai) May 31, 2023
The new MAX app friggin ROCKS! My favorite thing is when I go to watch an episode of TV I’ve previously viewed and it brings me straight to the end credits then immediately autoplays to the next episode’s end credits as well. Smart! Everyone knows the credits are the best part ☺️— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) May 27, 2023
Whenever I see a Skarsgard in a movie or show, I point and say “Skarsgard” just like when you drive by a bunch of cows and say “cows”— Natalie (@jbfan911) May 29, 2023
can’t stop thinking about the girl I saw last night at the Eras Tour trying to Shazam what Phoebe Bridgers was singing live— julia reinstein 🚡 (@juliareinstein) May 29, 2023
Obsessed with people's audacity on Facebook Marketplace. I just saw a used kid's water table for $250, I thought "That seems kinda expensive for that" so I looked it up. It cost $189 new.— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) June 1, 2023
Fashion designers: What do you want?— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) May 29, 2023
Fashion designers: We’ll bring back bubble shirts and low rise jeans!
don’t mean to sound like a sickly victorian woman riddled with consumption but i do feel like a little trip to the seaside would fix me— mar (@itsmariannnna) May 31, 2023
Guys love when u let them scroll thru basketball players on your Raya its like bringing a kid to see Santa— helena (@freshhel) May 30, 2023
I don’t watch Succession but I’m gonna miss the Sundays when every tweet on the tl would suddenly be like “the way that Roman carried himself in front of Shiv and Roy and Chadthew and Geronimo really highlights the overlap of patriarchy and the American tax system” or whatever— abby govindan (@abbygov) May 29, 2023
there’s only one Roy I care about and it’s G Biv— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) May 29, 2023
I was all for feminism until we bought a house and I found out how many documents you need to sign. I cannot be involved in this, I am just a little housewife.— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) May 31, 2023
i was on a first date w this girl and she asked for my ‘birth details.’ figured she was doing astrology on me but no, she wanted, like, the details of my delivery. i told her i was a C section and she immediately asked for the check. so. what do we reckon happened there— rax ‘leads with her crotch’ king (@RaxKingIsDead) May 28, 2023
Hey thanks so much for inviting me out! What do you think of me? Do you think I’m cool? Did you like hanging out with me? Was I fun?— evil rylee (@immrylee) May 28, 2023
My husband: All the flags are at half-mast this weekend.— Becky Hammer (@beckyhammer) May 28, 2023
Me: For Tina Turner?
My husband: [long, scathing pause] For Memorial Day.
Not drinking is great but I do find myself chasing weirder and worse drinks. Watching the bartender make a spicy marg and I’m tempted to ask her to muddle jalapeños into a regular coke for me.— ellory smith (@ellorysmith) May 27, 2023
when i was 8 i convinced my little sister that we were half-vampires who after a certain age would be unable to contain our hunger for the blood of others and the urge to tear into their necks and she (4) had the nerve to get upset with me about it…… live a little— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) June 2, 2023
learning that Greg makes $200k… finally some media salary transparency— jenny (@jennygzhang) May 29, 2023
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