The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
there should be like a second horn on your car for when the light is green and the person in front of you isn't going bc they're on their phone but you're not like mad about it. hi bestie i love you beep beep it's driving time
— cait (@punished_cait) May 9, 2023
sitting in mass figuring out who would get hit if the lights fell pic.twitter.com/Pg9KqR4Csd
— Liz Charboneau (@lizchar) May 6, 2023
me: in or out
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) May 6, 2023
dog: yep
me: which one
dog: you bet
i did once ask an AI to write a lede for a piece I was struggling on and it came back with "New York, what a town!" so I guess I can pack it in, boys
— rachel syme (@rachsyme) May 9, 2023
My biggest obstacle is that I only like salads when they’re made by other people and cost $16
— Sara Levine (@saralememe) May 10, 2023
beauty/teen magazines in the early 2000s giving makeup advice to girls with brown eyes: and ur gonna wanna carve those lusterless chunks of coal out of ur face with some light brown sparkle shadow !! just to liven things up!
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) May 10, 2023
Every time my mom and her best friend get in a fight her friend posts pictures of my mom when she had a fucked up bowl cut and tags her just to piss her off
— Tam Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) May 7, 2023
If I weren’t supposed to bring my cat, the wedding invite would say that, right?
— Ginny Hogan (@ginnyhogan_) May 7, 2023
Me: *buys a bra*
— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) May 8, 2023
The internet: you like BRAS? perhaps you like ONLY BRAS?? Do you need 10,000 BRAS? Do you need to see a new bra every .5 SECONDS?? HERE ARE ALL THE BRAS FOREVER!! YOU WILL NEVER SEE YOUR FAMILY’S POSTS AGAIN ONLY BRAS!
on a date and we just went RIGHT to third base (he saw me burst into tears because taylor swift announcer speak now tv)
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) May 6, 2023
Saw a guy on the picket line & not to profile, clocked that he wasn’t a writer. Way too much swag. Turns out, he was an agent, mad that he was the only agent out there with us. I said, “Well, thank you for being here. It’s very cool of you.” He shrugged & said, “I love conflict.”
— Caissie (@Caissie) May 9, 2023
V funny that there’s a whole genre of journalism that’s just “I met this extremely charismatic and persuasive conman and it turns out?? They’re great!”
— Siobhan Thompson, mysterious European heiress (@vornietom) May 7, 2023
They look like the front of a party city costume pack https://t.co/UKjrWXDy1d
— Lisa Snowden (@LisaESnowden) May 8, 2023
I do not trust a seven layer dip recipe if it's from the NYT. No, the recipe must be from an archived mom blog written by a woman in Ohio with six kids who quit blogging in 2014 when she got a divorce.
— Lyz Lenz (@lyzl) May 7, 2023
I will never forget the LA based company that wanted me to drug test for a social media management position. Like do you guys even know what makes the internet good
— ellory smith (@ellorysmith) May 7, 2023
33-year-old Amy Poehler playing 26-year-old Rachel McAdams' mom in "Mean Girls" is the exact dynamic between me and my coworkers at my bartending job
— Kimberly 🧜🏻♀️ Dinaro💲 (@KimberDin) May 9, 2023
a sitcom about a fish family who swap between living in fresh and salt water called ‘brackish’
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) May 10, 2023
stop normalizing the grind and normalize whatever this is pic.twitter.com/2AJCjb3DqX
— petra ☆ (@yayodiary) May 7, 2023
Ordered a cake from Costco and their system is from the 1800s, you write what you want on a piece of paper & put it in a box then nobody follows up and you just show up and hope they made it? I tried to call to confirm & they were like “if you put it in the box, it will be there”
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) May 11, 2023
i need to know who uber drivers are always on the phone with
— trash jones (@jzux) May 6, 2023
Support HuffPost
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions. That is why we are committed to providing deeply reported, carefully fact-checked news that is freely accessible to everyone.
Whether you come to HuffPost for updates on the 2024 presidential race, hard-hitting investigations into critical issues facing our country today, or trending stories that make you laugh, we appreciate you. The truth is, news costs money to produce, and we are proud that we have never put our stories behind an expensive paywall.
Would you join us to help keep our stories free for all? Your contribution of as little as $2 will go a long way.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you’ll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.