The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
my mother has a medical podcast where she self diagnoses her ailments it’s called my voicemail and it happens every morning at 9 am.
— kim (@KimmyMonte) October 2, 2022
"it's just like a butter board," she said spreading frosting on her coffee table
— Two Time Emmy Winner Ali B (@wtflanksteak) October 1, 2022
taking my niece and nephew to disney today and we stopped to get coffee and croissants and when we got back in the car my 4yo nephew said quietly “was that disneyland?”
— Fortesa Latifi (@fortesalatifi) October 2, 2022
my friend just called capybaras “guinea bigs” and I will never be the same
— Charlotte Moore-Lambert (@cavaticat) October 2, 2022
they told me to make myself at home so i moved their silverware to the more logical drawer
— Midge (@mxmclain) October 1, 2022
timothée chalamet is the new benedict cumberbatch in the sense that you can say ANYTHING and we know who you mean. tiffany chevrolet. timpanogos charlemagne. symphony cabernet. jiminy castaway.
— abs (@itsabsaf) October 1, 2022
Did I…date Nancy Pelosi and completely forget about it? pic.twitter.com/UVDSr7tCMq
— Megan Collins (@ImMeganCollins) October 1, 2022
therapist: why did you do that
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) October 4, 2022
me: ummm i don’t know babe u tell me
It is okay to admit when you make a mistake and it's time for us all to acknowledge that we took eyelashes too far
— Lauren Ashley Smith (@msLAS) October 4, 2022
My 2 coping mechanisms pic.twitter.com/VyEqlK7c4F
— 1984’s George Whorewell (@EwdatsGROSS) October 3, 2022
I think we can all agree that hairdressers are the unsung heroes for looking at the pictures of celebrity hair we want and not laughing in our faces
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) October 6, 2022
a life alert bracelet but to make your friends pay attention to you
— i can be your long lost pal (@PallaviGunalan) October 2, 2022
my son is gonna be so mad when i name him garett (short for cigarette)
— The Notorious J.O.V. (@whotfisjovana) October 4, 2022
Saying "the body of Christ" each time I give my dog a cracker
— Kona Slater (@KonaSlater) October 4, 2022
this is what dolly meant when she said tumble outta bed and stumble to the kitchen pic.twitter.com/FUMuoPya9g
— barbara ghouls (she/her) (@orinocohoe) October 3, 2022
hanging with your parents as an adult is so funny bc it’s like “mmmm that’s why i’m like this”
— Lauren Chanel (@MichelleHux) October 1, 2022
might dress as a vape this halloween so he’ll care if he loses me
— Cassie 🕸️ (@cassiee1919) October 5, 2022
love to remember an instance where i was a little weird to someone five years ago then immediately begin questioning if i even deserve to be alive
— dana bad (@baddanadanabad) October 2, 2022
The headphones are doing nothing https://t.co/ITlIczLF9o
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) October 6, 2022
If I met king charles in person I would be like "what do you do" only because I want to hear an adult say "i'm the king"
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) October 6, 2022
an Irish Catholic Exit is when you sneak off without telling anyone but feel really bad about it
— monica heisey (@monicaheisey) October 3, 2022
paleontologist is the funniest job to me. so rare for a seven year old to stick to their major life goals
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) October 4, 2022
I can create a new unique password or I can remember my password but I cannot do both.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 3, 2022
I like Avril’s version better pic.twitter.com/rHaX3itqFb
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) October 6, 2022
when you see someone else in the google doc but it’s just you in another tab pic.twitter.com/vQWIMgw9hm
— nicole boyce (@nicolewboyce) October 4, 2022
The biggest joke on earth is that computers are asking us to verify that we are humans.
— NomaSwati OkaDlamini (@She_Staunch) October 5, 2022
Not to victim blame but why did you bring a needle into a haystack in the first place
— dj fuck (@eggshellfriend) October 4, 2022
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