The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or fewer.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
microwave: congratulations! your bowl is now piping hot
— trash jones (@jzux) October 16, 2021
me: amazing! and the food too?
microwave: slow down there buddy
i just heard my neighbor crying which means unfortunately she could probably hear me singing monster mash in different voices
— pascalle (@pasxalle) October 18, 2021
...I did not realize how much I apparently hate unfinished wood https://t.co/1V4rUWhzHL
— yes, really (@simonefiii) October 17, 2021
Thinking about the time I drunkenly spilled an entire bowl of soup on my new macbook & then tried to tell the apple store it just broke out of nowhere & then the guy had to look me in the eye & say “we opened it up and there’s just…so much soup in here…like chunks of carrots..”
— Arianna Rebolini (@AriannaRebolini) October 17, 2021
Living in nyc will have you like damn if i hadn’t taken that sip of water i could’ve caught the train
— Katherine 🇨🇴 (@katkathykatto) October 18, 2021
obviously therapists go to other therapists. but who's at the very top? do they know everyone's secrets?
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) October 20, 2021
Me: I’m hungry
— Niccole Thurman (@niccolethurman) October 21, 2021
My fridge: I have lots of tasty food inside if you wanna cook somet—-
Me: not like that
I’d be fine with a ghost in the house if each time a bloody message appeared on a wall it was something helpful like YOUR KEYS ARE IN THE FRONT DOOR.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) October 18, 2021
Clients: how long have you been a Makeup Artist?
— MS. BOBIANA (@BRlANNARANEE) October 17, 2021
Me: pic.twitter.com/LaQjQNNNyK
Squid Game is so captivating because it’s about man’s greatest fear: being told to find a partner to team up with for a project
— Andrea More (@amore_orless) October 18, 2021
being in your twenties is all about getting coffee and walking around
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) October 17, 2021
I will not pic.twitter.com/8FwqeyL2So
— Rachel won't cede the 🇮🇪 & triskele to the fash (@walshrac) October 17, 2021
Sometimes during sex I get jealous of how many calories the guy is burning
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) October 16, 2021
man at this bar is describing in great detail exactly what a deviled egg is to his date, a woman who already told him twice that she’s had them before
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) October 20, 2021
why is walking to the bathroom in a restaurant so embarrassing
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) October 20, 2021
You can’t say Women anymore, you have to say happy holidays
— Niko Stratis (@nikostratis) October 19, 2021
my kitten has discovered her reflection pic.twitter.com/WGlCQ6k9TP
— dove 🕊 (@lovedoveclarke) October 21, 2021
Doctor: here is ur baby. it's a boy. congratulations
— yeah man sound bot (@shonaquil) October 18, 2021
Ms Kelly, crying tears of joy: I'm going to call him machine gun
no drug in the world compares to bothering my cat
— alexa (@mariokartdwi) October 20, 2021
I used to be in class like: " got 40 mins left, two 20 min halves. Just gotta get through 10 mins, 4 times. "
— Mylah (@Majj_manuel) October 21, 2021
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