The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Today, whilst out shopping, I tried on a beautiful jacket. It was the jacket of a customer trying on another jacket and now I can never go shopping again.
— Lins 💖 (@Lins_1983) October 9, 2022
once I asked my parents if they had any ghost stories, and my mom was like "well, we used to live in a farmhouse with a faucet that always leaked." and then my dad said "one time I saw the devil"
— Kaitlin Ruiz (@Kaitlin_M_Ruiz) October 10, 2022
went to the doctor. got destroyed. pic.twitter.com/fA1IQvrJdT
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) October 12, 2022
i relate to the moon bc i look amazing in person and terrible in pictures
— angeline rodriguez (@gelrdrgz) October 10, 2022
Find your band name! First name of the last person you had sex with + Last name of the last person you had sex with
— nat “cops break laws to terrorize/intimidate” puff (@LeftAtLondon) October 10, 2022
I can't be the only person who says "please leave me alone" quietly out loud to her email.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) October 9, 2022
I'm sorry but "non-fungible" will always mean "impossible to turn into a mushroom" to me
— Stacy's Flag Means Horror👁️ (@DarkLiterata) October 7, 2022
there is nothing in the song monster mash that explicitly says it was a dance, it could have been an orgy
— spooky cold fox🎃 (@roastmalone_) October 9, 2022
Me, at 18: I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANNA DO
— Count Badonkula (@Mom_Overboard) October 8, 2022
Me, at 40: I can do whatever 800mg of ibuprofen will allow me to do
Are you today's date? Cos you're a 10/10
— Alice Iris 👩🏾💻 (@thealiceiris) October 10, 2022
lion king on broadway review: 1pm sunday matinee full of kids absolutely losing their minds, puppets fucking rule, solid performances, one kid in the theater got so scared during Be Prepared that they were still audibly crying in the next scene, A+ would lion king again
— Kathryn VanArendonk (@kvanaren) October 10, 2022
Summer - don’t wanna work cuz I’m having fun
— Allison O'Conor (@allisonoconor) October 10, 2022
Fall - don’t wanna work cuz I’m cozy
Winter - don’t wanna work cuz life sucks
Spring - don’t wanna work cuz life is getting better
My flight was delayed a few times, the pilot just got on and apologized and said “Don’t worry about the time folks we’re gonna fly this thing like we stole it.” 💀
— SCAM GODDESS (@DivaLaci) October 9, 2022
Be diligent and check your child's candy this year, just found a negroni sbagliato with prosecco shoved inside a Twix. No words. pic.twitter.com/qocUDxKppY
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) October 10, 2022
Too many Christmas rom-coms, not nearly enough Halloween rom-coms
— sam sims (@samsims25) October 9, 2022
me, only halfway through a 12 foot skeleton assembly: ‘the neck bone’s connected to the [starting to cry] other neck bone’
— nash flynn, (@itsnashflynn) October 10, 2022
was SO sad that I finished all 6 seasons of my bedtime comfort show until I realized I can simply watch it again from the beginning. follow me for more cutting edge brilliance
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) October 10, 2022
Girls actually text each other like, "I’m meeting a guy allegedly named Brian here📍If he murders me here’s his Bumble pic so he can be brought to justice" and then the reply's like, "You got it girl - have fun tonight! 😘😜"
— Mary Kobayashi (@MaryKoCo) October 9, 2022
Just checked what brand my cool fringe vest was to see if I could resell it and…. pic.twitter.com/dNx5E4nIvC
— kylie brakeman (@deadeyebrakeman) October 11, 2022
I love hanging out at my apartment. All my stuff is here
— alexa (@mariokartdwi) October 8, 2022
thinking about how one of my friends just hard launched his relationship by posting on his story that he’s getting married tomorrow
— nesrin danan (@blackprints) October 10, 2022
I'd be fine with a ghost in the house if every time a message in blood appeared on a wall it was something constructive like IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE WEARING?
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) October 10, 2022
i love how left handed people will always notice & point each other out in the wild. we could be getting stabbed and we’d be like omg youre left handed tooooo
— tracy aka bhad bhonnet (@brokeymcpoverty) October 12, 2022
sorry i kept yelling “HIT ME” at my tarot card reading
— kim (@KimmyMonte) October 11, 2022
actually my ancestors would want me to take a nap right now. They’d be like hell yeah no one is trying to kill you or anything?? you don’t have to like flee on a boat? your belly is full and it’s a beautiful day? that’s sick babe! and so really I am honoring them
— danielle weisberg (@danielleweisber) October 10, 2022
if u drank the original four loko, don’t forget to put on your retinol tonight
— Cilantro.bb.95@aim.com (@bb_apes) October 9, 2022
