The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or fewer.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
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how long could a doctor leave you in an exam room before you considered like, popping your head out to ask what’s going on. for me i think about seven hours
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) September 30, 2021
the avengers: "the city is saved"
— 𝓫𝓮𝓬𝓴 (@becksvault) September 29, 2021
the city: pic.twitter.com/qyQ8RxsriN
i’m gonna be unstoppable once i figure out what my whole deal is
— cass city (@HeavenlyGrandpa) September 27, 2021
i be like “good morning” then go back to sleep 3 times 😂
— CHANEL♒️ (@nellyyyjayyy) September 29, 2021
Just about everyone I know is a snack getting stuck in a vending machine away from total collapse
— Meredith Ireland (@MeredithIreland) September 30, 2021
i lost my sunglasses in the laundry a couple days ago & asked the super to keep an eye out. today he found them & told me in detail exactly what happened: “i saw the security video. you were eating a bag of chips & they fell off when you tilted your head back to finish the bag”
— 99 Ricki Lake (@cataxista) September 29, 2021
When people ask me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like “My mom fed me pinecones when I was a baby.”
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) September 27, 2021
ah yes, nicholas braun… the pete davidson of michael ceras
— hot girl midsommar (@verymimi) September 27, 2021
Starting a job feels like you’re a new character on the ninth season of a tv show.
— YKTFV 🇬🇧 (@Gold_Apparels) September 27, 2021
crazy that u can have a job where u are responsible for saving a human life or u can have a job where u need to send an email but dont
— Rebecca Weiser (@rebweis) September 28, 2021
got really excited about japanese politics for a minute there pic.twitter.com/u7FDKIuZlj
— Mary Tobler (@MaryTobler) September 29, 2021
Straight break ups are great because the guy is always like “she really traumatized me when she told me how much I hurt her” meanwhile the girl is like “some things he did could be considered a felony in certain states but I swear he’s not a bad person”
— abby govindan (@abbygov) September 26, 2021
Do you ever start your period and be like “well that explains a lot”?
— Manuka Honey (@kionnajay) September 27, 2021
with all due respect if I am watching a show from 1999 on a streaming service I want all the commercials to be from 1999
— danielle weisberg (@danielleweisber) September 27, 2021
i think my biggest issue with dating apps is that by nature they eliminate a friends to lovers plot line
— Alex (@alexgmurd) September 27, 2021
Me: *wears glasses, facemask and hoop earrings*
— 🦚 (@3dLooks) September 29, 2021
My ears: Yo? Should I carry your bag too?
a gentleman just carried a puppy into the library and when i looked at him askance said, "well i couldn't leave him in the car. he'd be sad."
— danielle tcholakian (@danielleiat) September 29, 2021
What club was Beyoncé at when she said the club is full of ballers and they pockets full grown????
— slim (@slimsade_) September 27, 2021
I took an order for a baby shower cake that says "Welcome Gary" and I thought I misheard the person so I asked them to repeat it and they sighed and said "the baby's name is Gary..."
— kt 🐵 (@kochsister) September 27, 2021
It’s embarrassing how much I care about the quality of dj transitions.
— Clarissa Brooks (@ClarissaMBrooks) September 26, 2021
