The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant — and succinct — wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up the most hilarious 280-character musings. To close out 2022, we’ve picked 50 of the funniest tweets from women this past year.
Scroll down to read some truly laugh-out-loud posts from some wonderful women. And sign up for our “Funniest Tweets of the Week” newsletter here.
Parents are like "You left a gently used paper towel in your room over christmas. Do you need that? Want me to mail it?"
— Rachel McCartney (@RachelMComedy) January 9, 2022
The anxious urge to say "no worries either way" when you are actually worrying both ways plus a secret third way
— Ꮍᴀᴇʟ (@elle91) January 20, 2022
SURELY I've accepted all possible cookies by now.
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) February 14, 2022
Making a password as a teen: dolphinsarecool
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 11, 2022
Making a password as an adult: Dolphinsarecool!2
Every female lead in a scifi movie is like "my hair is short bc it's the future"
— Katie Hannigan (@katiehannigan) January 6, 2022
Took me until I was like 30 to understand "operate heavy machinery" meant cars. I thought you weren't supposed to take Xanax and work the line at the cannery.
— Jaya Saxena (@jayasax) March 15, 2022
Left the back door open at my friend's house and her roomba escaped. Hope he goes on an adventure and cleans the whole world
— Carmen Lagala (@CarmenLagala) May 12, 2022
I WANT NERVOUS CHAIR!!!!!!!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/7GfbTNvhJ5
— natasha allegri (@natazilla) January 10, 2022
“i couldn’t get into it” - me about a show i didn’t pay any attention to bc i was on my phone the whole time
— gabbi “gabbi boyd” boyd (@GabbiBoyd) January 23, 2022
I honestly think we are asking too much of cauliflower.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) March 20, 2022
Every Hallmark romance movie is like "yeahhhh you wanna live in a small town"
— Dr. J (@learnteachwin) April 3, 2022
And every Hallmark mystery series is like "YOU ABSOLUTELY DO NOT WANT TO LIVE IN A SMALL TOWN"
when there’s six minutes left in a flight it’s like…stop being dramatic and land
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) February 2, 2022
my mother has a medical podcast where she self diagnoses her ailments it’s called my voicemail and it happens every morning at 9 am.
— kim (@KimmyMonte) October 2, 2022
We need the inverse of “Emily in Paris.” We need a show about a hot French dude who is relocated to San Francisco, refuses to work more than 35 hours/week, and is disgusted by our lack of social safety nets.
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) November 29, 2022
did I “kill a plant” or did the plant not have what it takes to thrive in this fast-paced environment
— Sarah Lazarus (@sarahclazarus) June 20, 2022
why does garlic have to wear so many little jackets
— ✿ emma ✿ (@emmahoneyyy) July 19, 2022
someone told me LA is shitty heaven and NY is fun hell and it makes me chuckle every time I think about it
— J(enna) Wortham (@jennydeluxe) March 19, 2022
"What do your tattoos mean?" That I had $200 and no one stopped me
— maria🦝 (@mariamainmo) February 5, 2022
At my funeral, take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who is next.
— Margo Howard (@Margoandhow) May 12, 2022
Not my mom telling me she still talk to my ex because I still talk to her ex... Mam that's my DAD
— ,,,,, (@phahlalatsane) May 1, 2022
You either date Pete Davidson or have a baby with Nick Cannon. Those are the only two life paths for women
— Teresa (@teresaeliz) November 14, 2022
Playing “Is it cake?” around the apartment. My belongings are ruined. My husband’s in the hospital. Nothing is cake. What have I done?!
— Taylor Cox (@ImTaylorCox) March 30, 2022
i relate to the moon bc i look amazing in person and terrible in pictures
— angeline rodriguez (@gelrdrgz) October 10, 2022
That's definitely something a haunted chair would say.. pic.twitter.com/YPeblZtYu7
— Heather Cowan (@hwardcowan) June 1, 2022
i want to thank the makers of both chai tea concentrate and chicken broth for making their boxes look so similar that i attended a zoom meeting with a new drink i’m calling a dirty chicken noodle oatmilk latte, and hey it’s disgusting
— nash flynn, (@itsnashflynn) March 1, 2022
do you think they were giggling inside the Trojan horse
— LJ🎅🏻 (@crotchner) April 14, 2022
omg thanks for ending the meeting 4 minutes early and "giving me some time back" -- now I can finally pursue my passions
— i hope this is santa… (@sablaah) September 20, 2022
At work, I say “on it,” way too often for someone who is not, in fact, on it.
— Sarina Jwo (@xaniras) June 15, 2022
timothée chalamet is the new benedict cumberbatch in the sense that you can say ANYTHING and we know who you mean. tiffany chevrolet. timpanogos charlemagne. symphony cabernet. jiminy castaway.
— abble pie 🥧 (@itsabsaf) October 1, 2022
Instead of asking "what do you do" I really recommend punching up any social function you happen to be at with "so who do you hate here"
— Delia Cai (@delia_cai) February 20, 2022
My favorite thing is when I stay up too late and my dog passive aggressively puts herself to bed without me, like “YOU do what you want but SOME us have work in the morning.”
— Ayana Gray - Updates (@AyanaGray) April 16, 2022
everybody has a drawer in their home that contains both garbage and the most important documents a human can have
— glennis ⚜️ (@theglennisshow) July 26, 2022
bf getting a severe nosebleed the same day i get my period? that’s what an ally looks like ladies
— dana bad (@baddanadanabad) August 29, 2022
doing my affirmations pic.twitter.com/mPpP2CV7lE
— Andrea More (@amore_orless) June 12, 2022
i dont simply go through airport security. i have a goal. i want everyone in line to be blown away by my efficiency. i want to be celebrated as i push my belongings across the table. i want TSA to offer me a job (i’ll decline). i want people talking about me at their gate. glory.
— shelby wolstein (@ShelbyWolstein) April 26, 2022
podcaster 40 mins into an ep: okay, so let’s just dive right in
— Madeleine Aggeler (@mmaggeler) November 2, 2022
feeling sad today. can everyone please send cute pictures of their credit card, front and back?
— trash jones (@jzux) May 7, 2022
running into your old statistics professor be like “what are the chances”
— Rads (@_radsy) July 4, 2022
I could never be a therapist because I can’t hear a single piece of gossip without asking for a picture of the person
— Mabel (@edwardsnowden43) July 12, 2022
nobody has seen u at your ugliest like your roomates bf who’s name is not even on the lease
— ? (@aliyahInterlude) August 24, 2022
Referring to my C-section as “unboxing the baby”
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) August 4, 2022
we talk a lot about intergenerational wealth but I think we need to start talking about the inherited coolness held by ppl with art school parents who introduced them to esoteric media at a young age
— rayne fisher-quann (@raynefq) July 30, 2022
oh no ! my one basket! all my eggs were in there!
— steph mccann (@steph_mcca) August 8, 2022
"what do you want for your birthday?"
— B ⛤ (@buhlesrevenge) November 22, 2022
me: *forgets everything i've ever wanted in life*
(about to invent gargoyles) babe the cathedral looks great. how can we get a little fucking freak on the roof.
— julia fox is literally mother (@sophiepenrose) April 5, 2022
I don’t think our plan to have a society made up of 300 million rugged individualists is going well.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) August 2, 2022
the entire concept of passports is weird, you try to visit a slightly different piece of the planet you were born on and then somebody goes "woah woah woah, first I need to see a very small booklet"
— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) August 16, 2022
“thlut era” i whisper, as i pop my retainers in for the night
— 🦇 cella 🦇 (@cellapaz) September 26, 2022
i just had such an embarrassing memory of me being in middle school with a side braid and getting a starbucks frappuchino and telling the barista my name was katniss. then this poor 20 something had to call out the name “katniss” when that is clearly not my name
— em 🍓 (@uhhmmily) August 7, 2022
The four seasons are depression, allergies, tomatoes and spooky
— Molly Fitzpatrick (@mollyfitz) June 5, 2022
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