COVID-19, the disease caused by the virus, is no laughing matter, but a strong dose of humor is part of what we need to get us through a time like this.
Whether you’re single, dating, married or on the brink of divorce, we’ve rounded up 24 tweets to give you a good laugh.
“Sorry I’m practicing social distancing” is about to be the most popular break up text of 2020— Ali Kolbert (@AliKolbert) March 12, 2020
on pace to be the first covid-19 related divorce— not approachable (@MommaUnfiltered) March 14, 2020
Pro-tip for couples suddenly working from home together: Get yourselves an imaginary coworker to blame things on. In our apartment, Cheryl keeps leaving her dirty water cups all over the place and we really don't know what to do about her.— Molly Tolsky (@mollytolsky) March 16, 2020
New relationships: Netflix and Chill.— Ben Bruce (@benjaminbruce) March 18, 2020
Marriage and a few kids deep relationships: Netflix and sleep.
Corona virus quarantine relationships:
Netflix and eat an entire 3 months of rations in an evening.
"I have two-ply."— Just Bill (@WilliamAder) March 14, 2020
- my new dating profile
attention: due to fear of getting coronavirus, i will not be having a boyfriend at this time. that is the only reason! please do not believe rumors that “no one is interested” or “i make it very difficult to love me”— Johnny LaZebnik (@jlazebnik) March 10, 2020
Does My Husband Still Like Me? A Coronavirus Memoir— Megan Gailey (@megangailey) March 15, 2020
You guys, my husband just made me a gin and tonic at 10:46 pm on a SUNDAY and said, “Happy Quarantine!”— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) March 16, 2020
I am entirely too old to have a pandemic baby.
[returns from long business trip]— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) March 14, 2020
*gives wife an awkward fist bump*
My wife must have known about Coronavirus when she booked us separate rooms at this hotel, 6 months ago.— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) March 18, 2020
Therapist: So you’re sheltering in place..?— Hi, it's Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl) March 19, 2020
Me: Yes but when I have to go out, there's always some weirdo who won't let me social distance
Husband: I thought we agreed no name-calling
wanted to confirm that due to the corona virus outbreak, I will not be getting married this year!— mary beth (@marybethbarone) March 11, 2020
For once I’m not crazy for getting mad when my bf doesn’t text back right away- right now it’s like bitch you’re not busy! What’re you doing, thinking about making soup?— Hannah Boone (@boonecomedy) March 18, 2020
Never thought uttering the phrase “I just got a case of toilet paper” would make me someone’s dream girl but here we are— ✨WendyDarling✨ (@wendchymes) March 11, 2020
I just want a man who will remain 6 feet away from me at all times— JPo (@Peauxtassium) March 17, 2020
I just told my husband how I wiped off his package and my box with disinfectant and yeah you already know why he immediately started giggling. 🙄— J (@HeSlimedMeRay) March 17, 2020
Do not go to a man’s home for a hookup right now. You could get quarantined there and they don’t even have sheets. They definitely won’t have toilet paper. Maybe one bag of hot pockets. A can of Cheeto puffs. That’s all you’ll have. Is that what you want— gov michaela (@MichaelaOkla) March 13, 2020
Can’t wait for the next holiday to use Coronavirus as a legitimate excuse to tell my family why I’m single.— Hannah Berner (@beingbernz) March 14, 2020
Trying to send my wife a text but can't find an emoji of an eggplant wearing a facemask— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 17, 2020
Stood (a safe distance) in line behind an anxious looking older couple at the shop today. Just before checking out, the man said to his wife, “oh! darling, do you require chocolate?”, to which she replied “I always do, don’t I, dear?”— Mikki Brock (@MikkiBrock) March 14, 2020
Love in the time of coronavirus, indeed.
My sister is a nurse and says coronavirus can live on metal surfaces longer so I should take off my wedding ring so I guess THIS BITCH IS SINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) March 13, 2020
either I need a coronavirus boyfriend or I need my extra monitor from my work desk. I can’t be expected to survive self quarantine without both— Kinsey Grant (@KinseyGrant) March 13, 2020
Wife: ugh some idiot bought all the toilet paper from our local Costco because of the coronavirus.— Oops!...I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) March 12, 2020
Me: [from inside my toilet paper fort] corona what now?