You might have this romantic notion that marriage is largely made up of date nights, long walks, weekend mornings spent reading in bed, fun getaways and cooking new recipes together. Sure, those things do happen occasionally ― but in reality, most of married life is a touch more mundane.
You’ll spend a lot more time arguing over the temperature on the thermostat, sitting in the car waiting for your spouse to come out, hiding your favorite snacks from each other and regularly informing your spouse that you did, in fact, clean the living room even though you can’t really tell right now. Hey, that’s marriage, baby!
Below, the husbands and wives of Twitter boil down marriage into percentages. And though the math may not add up exactly, you can’t deny that these numbers feel pretty accurate.
When you're married, 90% of a Friday night is asking "Do we have to go to this?"— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) November 5, 2016
20% of marriage is just waiting for your spouse to fall asleep so you can eat the snacks you don’t want to share.— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) September 25, 2018
71% of being married is just sighing.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) January 10, 2017
95% of marriage is spent changing the temperature of the thermostat— 🎃Mattzilla™️🎃 (@mattZillaaaa) November 27, 2016
70% if marriage is informing your spouse what you cleaned that day.— Momarazzi. (@Mirimade) November 17, 2018
“Did you see I did the dishes?”
“I did. Did you see I cleaned the living room? Like, I didn’t clean it all the way but you can definitely see I worked on it. “
“Yeah. You can’t tell but I did some laundry.”
90% of marriage is one person looking for something where the other said it would be and yelling that it’s not there— Josh (@iwearaonesie) November 17, 2018
Marriage is 83% not knowing the names of anyone your wife is talking about but hoping she doesn’t notice.— Jurisdoc (@jurisdoc741) May 25, 2018
64% of being a wife is reminding your husband he needs to eat that food in the fridge before it goes bad.— SpacedMom (@copymama) February 4, 2019
87% of married sex starts with someone pausing House Hunters.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 3, 2016
99% of marriage is waiting in the car for your spouse.— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) January 30, 2016
25% of marriage is asking your spouse to bring you a new roll of toilet paper.— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) April 29, 2019
90% of my text messages are my wife checking to see if I’ve done something yet.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) March 25, 2018
134% of marriage is telling your husband NO, he is NOT sick.— Betty (@BoomBoomBetty) November 18, 2018
76% of being a husband is your wife telling you that your clothes don't match.— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) April 5, 2018
90% of marriage is just loud cleaning.— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) March 26, 2018
I swear 98% of being a wife and mother is trying to convince the people you love to take proper care of themselves.— S A R A B U C K L E Y (@nottheworstmom) March 19, 2019
The other 2% is hiding your favorite snacks from everyone.
56% of being married is pretending that you didn't fall asleep during the movie.— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) April 25, 2018
79% of marriage is all about texting each other the shared password— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) May 3, 2019