If you really want to know what married life is like, just ask husbands and wives.
They’ll tell you about the occasional moments of romance and wedded bliss. They’ll also tell you that you’ll encounter arguments about light fixtures, Netflix cheating and snoring that will test your patience in ways you never thought possible.
Below, check out 27 oh-so-relatable tweets that will give you a taste of what marriage is all about.
Me: *parallel parking*
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 25, 2018
Husband: *visibly aging*
I ran out of deodorant so I used my wife's Secret antiperspirant. Now not only do I smell like lavender, but I also loaded the dishwasher correctly for the first time ever.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) October 19, 2018
My husband pays me the highest compliments. Like “WOW! Look at you. You’re dressed.”
— Teri Daniels (@bylinetd) March 27, 2018
If you are single, picture what you think marriage is like. Wrong. You are both in Home Depot arguing over a light fixture.
— Tracie Tom (@tracietom) October 21, 2018
When you marry someone with the same sense of humor as yours you have to deal with the consequences, like when I asked my wife to put on an outfit I haven't seen yet and she walks out in my gym clothes.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) October 18, 2018
Looking back, I think I agreed to get married because my headband was too tight that day.
— Just J (@junejuly12) October 24, 2018
Sometimes I go to Target with my wife so I can show her stuff she is buying is cheaper on Amazon. She loves that.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 25, 2018
Me: *breaks wife’s family heirloom*
— Distracted Dad (@Distracted_Dad) October 24, 2018
Wife: It’s okay. Things happen. It was an accident. I love you.
Me: *snores all night*
Wife: *Googles divorce lawyers*
Me: are you ready?
— Momarazzi. (@Mirimade) October 27, 2018
Husband: yes
Me: great, I got myself and the kids ready and everything’s packed up and we’ll actually be on time if we leave right this second, let’s get in the car-
Husband: okay, just need to hop in the shower real quick
me: so, as it turns out giraffe deposits are “non-refundable”
— M@thew (@TweetPotato314) October 24, 2018
wife: what? start at the beginning
me: ok, so we didn’t win the lotto...
Just found out my wife’s favorite Home Alone is Home Alone 3 and now I’m sitting on the floor in the bathroom wondering how I got this deep into a relationship with such a garbage human being.
— Skoog (@Skoogeth) October 17, 2018
* it’s 2035, my husband & I have lived in the same house for 20 years*
— Mom Truths (@momtruths2btold) October 27, 2018
Husband: where do we keep the scissors?
The secret to a tolerable marriage:
— Betty (@BoomBoomBetty) October 18, 2018
Separate TVs.
My wife reads two books a week and I just told my son that an idiom is a group of idiots.
— erik (@ericsshadow) February 8, 2016
me: how about a quicky?
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 23, 2018
wife: as opposed to...?
wife: You forgot to turn the TV off last night
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 18, 2018
[flashback to me leaving it on so the dog could finish watching Hocus Pocus]
me: No I didn’t
Amount Of Pillows Men Have During Their Life
— Jay (@theshamingofjay) August 11, 2018
Baby - 1
Toddler - 1
Pre-Teen - 1
Teenager - 1
College - 1
Bachelor - 1
Married - 367
“You didn’t even leave the house today”
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) October 28, 2018
- my husband, saying it like it’s a bad thing
I think my wife discovered that I opened a new bag of chips before the old one was finished. Just in case I suddenly disappear.
— 🎃The Dad Briefs™👻 (@SladeWentworth) October 23, 2018
Marriage is looking for the remote control for 30 minutes only to find that your spouse has been sitting on it the entire time.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) October 24, 2018
My wife can eat one Reese's peanut butter cup and save the other one for later, so I'm clearly married to a supernatural being.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) October 16, 2018
me: *making my wife breakfast in bed* this would’ve be easier in the kitchen
— M@thew (@TweetPotato314) October 21, 2018
i keep turning the heat on and my husband keeps turning it off please call the police.
— The Getaway Girl (@The_GetawayGirl) October 25, 2018
One time I listened to my wife tell an entire story without mentioning that I had a video game paused in the other room.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 26, 2018
Marital status:
— Steve Olivas (@steveolivas) October 27, 2018
Just texted my wife.
From upstairs.
My husband just walked in on me with my lips covered in nutella and waffle crisp crumbs all over my shirt.
— Quirky Chrissy (@quirky_chrissy) October 13, 2018
If half the shows on Netflix aren't off-limits because you're supposed to watch them together, are you even married?
— "Bare Minimum Parenting" comes out in 8 days (@XplodingUnicorn) September 18, 2018
Before You Go
