They say twins are “double trouble.”
Indeed, twin parents know that raising two little partners in crime comes with a unique set of challenges, annoyances and opportunities for humor.
We rounded up some of the funniest tweets about taking care of twins. To all the parents of multiples, our hearts go out to you!
With twins, the only thing worse than having no candy is having only one piece of candy.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 26, 2015
When people look at my twins and ask if they're identical, I say, "Sure, except for the penis on the boy. And every other thing about them."— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) April 20, 2017
My 4 year old twins used to fight about who got to flush the toilet first. Now no one does. We're going in the wrong direction.— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) September 4, 2014
My eyesight is just terrible since having kids. I'm always seeing double. It's a nightmare!— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) January 3, 2017
Optometrist: Ma'am you have identical twins...
"If each of my twins has one play date, how long will it take for me to lose my mind" is my version of common core math.— SWT (@SWilderTaylor) April 1, 2016
One of my twins is 3" taller than the other + they have diff hair/eye colors, so when someone asks if they're identical, I always say "yes"— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) June 16, 2017
My 4 year old twins just cut each other's hair. So that's one thing off my To Do list for this weekend.— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) August 15, 2014
Our twins spread toys across the house like it's their manifest destiny.— Pat Lee-McCarthy (@plee_mcc) January 29, 2017
Sometimes I'm disappointed that my identical twins aren't creepier. No secret language, no phantom connection, no REDRUM.— Nicole Leigh Shaw (@NicoleLeighShaw) February 27, 2014
I'm going to drink wine until my twins finish their homework. Put another way, I will have alcohol have poisoning by 9 pm.— Nicole Leigh Shaw (@NicoleLeighShaw) December 10, 2014
Today's the day! Right this very minute, those of us with twins are panicking about how the gift piles stack up against each other.— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) December 22, 2015
Having twins is like getting God's permission to fuck one up.— Carbosly (@Carbosly) April 1, 2017
I'm a parent of twins, I don't care about fair, I just want things to be even— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 10, 2016
There's video of a woman in tears after an incident w a flight attendant, but she was flying w 15mo twins so she was probably crying already— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) April 23, 2017
Both my twins are pitching a detective series where every single episode ends with the reveal that the other one did it.— Mat Johnson (@mat_johnson) May 29, 2016
My wife is having twins so she's gonna be pregnant for a year & a fucken half.— David Hughes (@david8hughes) August 31, 2015
My twins have their own secret language...it's mostly just swear words.— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) May 18, 2016
My 3 year old twins just hollered from the back of the minivan, "Two waters please." I will try to find their waiter.— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) March 12, 2014
I've spent every second of every day since my twins were born trying to scheme how I can get back to sleep.— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) May 13, 2015