In a relationship, there are certain little quirks or habits that might be unique to each couple. But there’s also a set of experiences that are pretty much relatable to couples across the board ― whether it’s arguing over the thermostat or rolling your eyes because a certain someone left beard trimmings all over the sink. Again.
Below, we’ve gathered 31 highly amusing tweets that will certainly sound familiar.
Me: Well, this calls for a celebration *cracks open beer*— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) July 10, 2018
Wife: ...you took out the trash
“Have you even showered today?” and other sexy things my wife says to me.— Bart (@jbmsoccerdad) July 21, 2018
*opens Advil*— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 23, 2018
*looks at husband*
“Sorry, where are my manners? You want some?”
If I became a ghost, I’d just be petty. Like throwing the bread at my husband’s head when he doesn’t close the bag and sprinkling his beard hair on his pillow when he leaves it all over the sink. And writing “Close the garage door” on the wall in blood.— Momarazzi. (@Mirimade) July 9, 2018
All I’m saying is if we had a dungeon, my wife would decorate it with throw pillows.— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) July 16, 2018
I accidentally dried my wife’s hang-dry-only shirt. So I quickly hung it up on the drying line and now we wait.— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) July 15, 2018
The best part about being married to me has to be the part where I ask for your opinion and then do the exact opposite— OldCardigan (@MizzusT) July 4, 2018
Arm falls off— Jack Boot (@IamJackBoot) July 8, 2018
Wife: You don't drink enough water.
My husband just brought me coffee in bed. Now I literally have ZERO reason to get up.— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) June 28, 2018
Me: *pulls in driveway after not finding what I needed at Target*— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) July 1, 2018
[text from wife]: I’m in the checkout line, where r u?
Me: *backs out of driveway*
My wife and I have started a game - guess the expiration year for things in the cupboard. Her first guess for the pizza sauce was 2010 - nailed it!— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) July 6, 2018
wife: What's wrong?— Josh (@iwearaonesie) July 6, 2018
me [annoyed because the kids menu has a picture of a duck on it but they didn't give me any yellow crayons] Nothing
Me: Wow. I don't have anything to do today.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) July 4, 2018
Wife: *materializes out of thin air* Actually...
Friend: My husband sets his alarm 30 minutes early so we can cuddle in the morning.— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) July 16, 2018
Me: My husband lets me sleep because he values his life.
"Apologize for yelling at your mother. We don't yell at her, she yells at us."— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) June 8, 2018
-my husband, clearly the only person who understands the rules around here
First year married: I want to spend every moment with you— OldCardigan (@MizzusT) July 22, 2018
All other years: maybe you could move into your own house
The worst thing about explaining to your wife why something she said doesn’t make sense is when you realize it does make sense.— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) July 23, 2018
Husband “What is the smell? What did you burn??”— Cydni Beer (@themessednest) June 28, 2018
Me “I just walked in why are you blaming me?!”
Husband “You’ve been home 5 minutes. I know what you’re capable of.”
Me “...I caught a tortilla on fire.”
Today my husband took a “shortcut” that landed us in even MORE traffic, added an hour onto our drive & had me begging for someone to put me out of my misery.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 16, 2018
Marriage: Zero out of 5 stars. Don’t recommend.
Marriage Tip: never go to bed angry.— THEALEXNEVIL TYPES ALL CAPS TO SHOW HE MEANS IT! (@TheAlexNevil) July 16, 2018
Go to bed planning your opening rebuttal for the next morning.
[sees wife getting changed after work] you should leave them high heels on— brent (@murrman5) July 19, 2018
[thinking about the spider on the bathroom ceiling] yeah
Wife: Are you doing what I asked?— Adam (@Browtweaten) July 17, 2018
Me: Of course I am *vacuum noises*
Wife: Did you just text "vacuum noises"?
Me: *dialtone noises*
It only took me 21 minutes of asking what was happening in this movie to realize my husband is asleep.— Marl (@Marlebean) July 20, 2018
My husband still has my last name as "Tinder" in his phone so don't tell me romance is dead.— Savage🇺🇸 (@SavageAphrodite) July 15, 2018
My husband joined me in the shower this morning. Can’t a gal eat a breakfast burrito in peace?— Lisabug BBQJonze (@Lisabug74) July 17, 2018
My wife and I bought the house I grew up in from my parents 5 years ago, and I’m still afraid to touch the thermostat.— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) July 13, 2018
My husband told me he’s not feeling well and I told him I didn’t have time to worry about that...my dog is sneezing and she needs me.— Stacey (@skittle624) July 12, 2018
Me: What time are we leaving?— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) July 14, 2018
Wife: In 3 or 4 hours
Me: Ok, I’ll be waiting in the car
Marriage is worth it even just for the number of times I’ve been saved from leaving the house with my shirt on inside out.— Patches (@Mostly_Cheese) July 15, 2018
If my husband asks me to stop at CVS for his medicine, I get to buy as much candy and makeup as I want. That rule was my idea.— Stacey (@skittle624) July 22, 2018
"I don't see things as half full or half empty. I try to be optimistic!"— Marl (@Marlebean) March 25, 2015
-Me explaining to my husband why I ran out of gas.