Love can be messy at times. And no one knows that better than married folks.
When you’re living with another person, tensions about household chores will inevitably arise. Sometimes it’s quibbling over whose turn it is to unload the dishwasher. Other times it’s getting perturbed when you see beard trimmings or globs of toothpaste in the bathroom sink you just finished cleaning.
Below, we’ve rounded up 32 comical tweets about cleaning that will surely resonate with married people.
My husband unloaded the dishwasher so I guess now it’s time to have a parade for him— JPo (@Peauxtassium) November 11, 2018
My wife needs 6 bags for a weekend trip but can fit 6 weeks of garbage and a couch into a single bag to avoid emptying the kitchen trash.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 8, 2017
husband: *mopping up pools of blood from the kitchen floor*— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) June 12, 2019
me: *walks in* OH MY GOD
husband: babe, I can explain-
me: you’re cleaning 🥰
The stress from my wife watching me wash the dishes while she waits to dry them is unbearable.— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) March 24, 2019
[cleaning out our bedroom]— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 4, 2018
Me: Half of this stuff is junk we don't need.
Wife: The other half is mine.
"You don't load the dishwasher right," I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 6, 2019
I appreciate my husband cleaning before we have guests coming over but he always cleans the weirdest shit. Our kitchen will look like a tornado blew through but instead of putting shit away this dude will be up in the attic scrubbing the walls like “iT hAs To Be CLeAn eMiLy”— motherducker (@houseandhens) February 3, 2019
Anytime I'm folding laundry and my wife didn't turn her clothes right side out I throw them in the trash and tell her the dryer ate them.— Forward March (@RunOldMan) June 12, 2020
I opened the dishwasher and it's full of clean dishes and I'm scared my wife is going to know that I know.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 21, 2017
Rage vacuuming is like regular vacuuming except you’re married.— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) February 11, 2020
Marriage is basically cleaning the kitchen and then walking away for 2 seconds and then coming back and seeing the kitchen is destroyed again and getting super annoyed over and over again until you die.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) February 22, 2020
My husband: So the paper towels are up on the top shelf.— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) February 15, 2020
Me, at 5’2”: So I’m cleaning up spills with your socks. Got it.
“BUT YOU NEVER REMEMBER THE TIME I CLEANED THE KITCHEN”— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) October 19, 2019
~Husbands in every argument
*wife runs back into our house which is on fire*— The Cre Master (@Jmboyd58) April 5, 2017
What are you doing!?
W: I just want to straighten up a little before the firemen get here
“Where does this go?”— StaceyLynne (@StaceyLynne_44) March 4, 2018
- my husband cleaning
Wife: Wanna have sex?— Lezz Mom🌈 (@lezzimomof2) March 7, 2020
Me: Mehhh, I dunno if I’m feeling it tonight
Wife: *Sends pic of a clean, empty sink*
Me: Your ass better be in that bed in 2 minutes.
*pile of dishes in the sink*— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 17, 2019
*laundry hamper overflowing*
*toothpaste smeared across the sinks*
*toys scattered across the house*
Husband: *leaf-blowing the attic*
My husband and I have this rule that whoever opens the clean dishwasher has to unload it. It’s been full since 1995.— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) November 7, 2019
Husband: I emptied the toaster crumbs & cleaned the toaster.— Lorie🇨🇦 (@LorieGZ) March 24, 2018
Me: Aw!!! I was going to do that today!
Me: Well, this calls for a celebration *cracks open beer*— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) July 10, 2018
Wife: ...you took out the trash
I write fake chores on my to-do list just to scribble them out, then my husband thinks I do more.— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) April 24, 2018
If one spouse empties the dishwasher and the other spouse isn't around to hear it, did it really happen?— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) January 6, 2020
[aliens invading our home]— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) March 12, 2019
Wife: TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES, I JUST VACUUMED
Female Astronaut: [on historic first all-female space walk]— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 18, 2019
Husband [texting from Earth]: hey where do we keep the dishwasher detergent
Me: *just finished cleaning toilets*— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) July 4, 2020
Husband: can I pee in our bathroom?
Me: you can pee outside
Pretty sure my wife’s memoir would be called: “Oh my god, just take the extra 2 seconds and put it in the dishwasher.”— Tired Dad of 2 (@Tired_Dad_of_2) September 16, 2019
If I ever want my husband to shave I just clean the bathroom.— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) October 15, 2019
Can’t wait for my wife to get home and see how clean the bathtub is! Not sure why people told me my 30s would be boring.— lucy bexley 🦇🌈 (@bexley_lucy) September 13, 2020
Wife: Are you doing what I asked?— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) July 17, 2018
Me: Of course I am *vacuum noises*
Wife: Did you just text "vacuum noises"?
Me: *dialtone noises*
Me: *vacuuming*— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) March 3, 2020
Husband: *eating chips on the couch in his underwear* I told you I was about to do that.
Andddd you officially regret not putting the laundry away when you and your bare assed spouse are standing infront of dumped over laundry bins trying to find something to wear for a Monday.— Lezz Mom🌈 (@lezzimomof2) February 3, 2020
[Married sext]— Abam - defund the police (@AdamBroud) April 22, 2016
Wife: What are you wearing?
Me: Just my underwear 😉
Wife: So you still haven't done the laundry?
ME: No I have not