Parenthood comes with many different responsibilities, but one of the most challenging and hilarious is definitely the Santa Claus charade.
Parents have a complicated relationship with the jolly old man in red. After all, saying he exists is a lie, and lying is wrong. But so is ruining the joy of Christmas ...
It takes work to keep the magic of Santa Claus alive, which inevitably leads to a lot of funny moments (and a lot of funny tweets). Here are 31 tweets from parents about keeping up the Santa charade. Enjoy!
My 3yo just ran through the room screaming, “SANTA IS COMING EARLY!!!!!”— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) November 22, 2018
So now I have to salvage this holiday.
According to my bank account balance, my kids are on Santa's naughty list.— ShotofCherye (@CheryeDavis) December 6, 2013
"Mommy, what's Amazon Prime?"— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) November 24, 2016
"Oh, sweetie, that's what they named Headquarters of Santa's workshops."
Have to stop myself from shouting "I'M SANTA, SUCKERS" once I've had drinks on Christmas Eve.— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) December 25, 2012
Daddy, Santa should know that I don't like Rolos but he puts them in my stocking every year.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 27, 2015
Me: (Unwrapping a Rolo) Yeah, that's weird.
Damn, signed gifts from mommy and daddy. I'm totally blowing this Santa thing.— Liz Gumbinner 🌊 (@Mom101) December 22, 2007
The kids left "Santa" whole wheat cookies so Santa "forgot" to leave their presents.— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) December 25, 2013
Next three hours will be spent furiously wrapping presents. Santa Claus is such a procrastinator.— Heather B. Armstrong (@dooce) December 25, 2008
My daughter: "Why doesn't the alarm go off when Santa goes down the chimney?" Me: "Magic." My daughter: "Bullshit."— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) December 21, 2009
5-year-old: I know Santa can’t bring me a pony.— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) November 25, 2015
Me: That’s very mature of you. What are you asking for instead?
5-year-old: A motorcycle.
If you swap out the milk and cookies for wine and takeout, I'm suddenly much more okay with this charade.— JenniFerCryinOutLoud (@MiddlingMs) December 7, 2016
To little children who believe, “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" is a Christmas classic about infidelity.— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) November 25, 2018
I don’t ever talk on the phone but I will totally have my kids believe that I’m having an entire conversation with Santa if it means they’re going to stop acting like freaking jerks.— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) November 20, 2018
Just began my annual tradition of getting a roaring fire going, making the fireplace "too hot for Santa," and worrying the kids.— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) December 24, 2013
I told my kids there's no Santa.— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) November 30, 2015
I don't want them to have an unrealistic world view.
Now they know all their gifts come from Batman.
My son filled his Xmas list with toys that don’t exist, looked me in the eyes & said “Santa can make it.”— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) November 21, 2018
I'm sorry kids, it looks like santa got hungry last night and ate all the chocolates out of your advent calendars. Man, what a bummer.— Ash (🔴 for eggnog only) (@adult_mom) December 2, 2016
MY SON: "Daddy, is Santa Claus God?"— Frank Lowe (@GayAtHomeDad) December 7, 2014
ME: "No baby, Beyoncé is."
7-year-old: Santa isn't real.— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) December 19, 2017
Me: That's right.
7: But he can still stop here if he wants to.
I Saw Mommy Making Passive Aggressive Comments to Santa Claus.— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) December 4, 2014
A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) July 19, 2014
Sent my daughter to her room for misbehaving and went outside in a Santa costume and peered in her window and shook my head while sobbing.— The Dad (@thedad) December 2, 2016
My son’s letter to Santa could more accurately be described as a list of demands.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) November 16, 2018
I would rather my children walk in on me getting pounded from behind than me stuffing their stockings instead of Santa right now.— Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) December 25, 2010
4-year-old: Is Santa real?— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) November 3, 2014
4: The Easter bunny?
Me: You better hope Spider-Man didn’t hear that.
I don't limit lying about Santa to just Christmas, he's my year-round fall guy for every disappointment I cause my children to experience.— Rich Cromwell (@rcromwell4) December 7, 2016
This morning, 11 yo son told me "That Santa at the mall isn't the REAL Santa." He sounded so wise and cool!— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) November 21, 2011
A cute thing I tell my kids is that the more Christmas inflatables you have on your lawn, the more Santa hates your guts.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) December 22, 2012
The lies started when I told my kids that Santa's real and now I can't stop. They think mommy makes dinosaur chicken nuggets from scratch.— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) December 7, 2016
Rationally, I now understand that my parents were always Santa, but I still don't get how they made it to all those houses in one night.— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) December 11, 2012