Total Dick From Future Black Friday Shows Off New Time Machine

"Probably overcompensating for his small future penis."

Shoppers waiting in line at a local Best Buy received a shock when a man from the future appeared in an explosion of light and proceeded to brag about the new time machine he'd just purchased during the Black Friday sales in his own time, the year 2278.

The mysterious man laughed while wiping down his brand new time machine with some sort of futuristic rag.

"What a douche," said one man in line. "I'm just getting a new tv, but it's a big deal to me. Like, enjoy your time machine, but don't be a dick about it."

The time traveler, who said his name was Gymnasium Pound Sign, had no comment, but took off again through time after symbolically hitting his knee with a fist and laughing.

"I'm guessing it was some sort of lewd gesture from his own time?" said an elderly woman, shrugging. "Probably overcompensating for his small future penis."


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