When Lauren Beth Czekala-Chatham and her girlfriend traveled from their home state of Mississippi to San Francisco in the summer of 2008 to tie the knot, Czekala-Chatham was thrilled to be a part of such a politically powerful moment.
At the time, only Massachusetts and California allowed same-sex couples to wed and California voters appeared poised to ban these unions in the upcoming election by passing Proposition 8. Thousands of same-sex couples were getting hitched in the meantime, and the moment felt right.
"Everywhere you went, there were Prop 8 signs," Czekala-Chatham, a credit analyst in her 50s, recalled. Together, the women found someone who would marry them. With the Golden Gate Bridge as the backdrop, the couple married while people along the road watched, cheering them on. "It was romantic, it was political, I was thinking, yeah, this is the girl I want to be with forever, and this is awesome," she said.
But two years later, back in Mississippi, the relationship had soured and Czekala-Chatham found herself on a new, grimmer edge of the gay rights movement: same-sex couples who wish to be separated, but live in states that do not recognize their marriages -- or their divorces.
This week, a Mississippi judge refused to grant Czekala-Chatham and her wife, Dana Ann Melancon, a divorce, arguing that Mississippi can't grant a divorce for the couple when the state does not recognize their marriage. In 1997, Mississippi lawmakers amended the law to say that the state would not recognize same-sex marriages from other jurisdictions, and in 2004, 86 percent of residents voted to amend the state's constitution to ban same-sex marriage.
Czekala-Chatham's lawyer, Wesley Hisaw, said he argued in court that the divorce was a matter of equal protection under the law. "Opposite-sex couples go to other states and get married all the time. As long as they meet the requirements, they can get a divorce in Mississippi," he told The Huffington Post.
He didn't think the judge's decision to grant the divorce was because of homophobia or another bias. "The impression I got was that the court was sympathetic to the issues, particularly with both parties agreeing to the divorce, but the court just felt like it couldn't grant the divorce the way the laws are written now."
Hisaw said Czekala-Chatham and Melancon are the first same-sex couple he knows of to seek a divorce in Mississippi. But Texas and Kentucky, two other states that have banned same-sex marriages, currently are facing the same issue.
Legal experts expect other states with similar bans to confront the issue soon, too, especially after the U.S. Supreme Court's ruling last spring paved the way for married same-sex couples in any state to reap the same federal benefits of marriage as heterosexual couples. To complicate matters, historically couples could get divorced only in the state where they live, and many states retain residency requirements.
"Most states' marriage laws make it very easy to marry, and somewhat difficult to divorce," said Katherine M. Franke, a law professor and the director of the Center for Gender and Sexuality Law at Columbia Law School. "I think a lot of gay people haven't thought that through."
The difficulty of gay divorce does not only impact the couple, Franke said, but the entire gay rights movement. "The primary legal strategies of the movement have been absolutely committed to securing marriage without necessarily including in that the consequences of being married beyond the benefits marriage delivers," she said.
The problem is likely not a long-term one, as most observers of gay rights predict that eventually all states will allow same-sex marriage. But until that happens, there are likely to be many complex cases, Franke said, including custody battles, or divorces for same-sex couples who married in multiple states in an "excess of marital exuberance."
"There's a lot of what I call civil rights celebration marriages: We won this victory now we've got to go cash it in," said Fred Hertz, a lawyer and author of Making it Legal: A Guide to Same-Sex Marriage. "I think there are a lot of people who saw marriage as a civil right and a right they wanted to exercise, and they didn't really understand that the right to marry is not the duty to marry."
Of course, Hertz added, gay people do not have a monopoly on impulsive marriages. "There are just as many stupid straight marriages. Yes, there's a lot of impulsive, unwise behavior, but there's no reason these couples should be punished in a way that heterosexual couples are not."
To address the issue, some states removed the residency requirement for same-sex couples who live in other states and wish to divorce. California is one of these states -- a couple does not even need to travel there to get divorced, so long as both parties are in agreement.
Czekala-Chatham said that her partner initially did not agree to the divorce, but eventually relented. Hisaw has already arranged a division of marital assets by contract, she said, opening up the possibility of arranging a divorce through the California courts.
That may happen down the road, but for now Czekala-Chatham is focused on fighting the Mississippi court's decision. "I think this can open the door to progress," she said. "If we can get Mississippi to recognize an out-of-state marriage, who knows what else they'll recognize down the line? It's a baby step."