Dating for many has become a monotonous, endless cycle of generic questions, mundane conversation, and undesirable outings with magicians pretending to be men, who disappear just as fast as they swipe right. This process can be daunting and downright undesirable for those actually interested in settling down.
It is time to get your mind and spirit right. Now is the moment to be extremely honest. It is of the utmost importance to get very clear about who you are and what you expect for your life with a partner. Otherwise, this process will destroy you and you'll find that you may become just like the serial daters that have disappointed you.
So, what does that mean? Well, I have recently been introduced to my 30s and what I have already learned is that there is no need to be unclear about what I need from a partner. If they do not have the capacity or desire to align with the expectations I have for my life, that is not their fault nor is it up to me to find excuses of why I should continue to waste our collective time. This is not easy. I had a massive amount of work to do.
So many of us will throw our own needs into a fiery pit, if it gets in the way of connecting with a cute guy, also referred to as one's "type." To make matters even worse, is that we tend to do this over and over again. Before you know it, as you continue to practice this type of self-sabotage, you will begin trading in your needs for any kind of guy, as long as he offers you some attention. How pathetic is that? A better question though is, why would we even do this to ourselves?
Well, you know that secret you have or those things that you are insecure about? It is time to make peace, guys. It is imperative that you free yourself from future pain by dealing with your own shit now. Think about it. If you deal with your own baggage, don't you think you'd be less likely to settle for someone who will attempt to unload theirs onto you? Tell the truth and I promise it will set you free. This may mean talking with a therapist or staying single for a bit longer, but it may be just what you need to change your dating pathology. I know for sure that it's what you need to transform your life.
Our self-respect tracks our choices. Every time we act in harmony with our authentic self and our heart, we earn our respect. It is that simple. Every choice matters.
- Dan Coppersmith
Now let me be clear, this does not mean that you won't meet more assholes along the way. However, it does mean that you will recognize quickly their dysfunction and you will be able to make conscious decisions about engaging and not foregoing your needs. We have more control than we realize. Showing up to the dating arena already whole, will put you ahead of the game. You won't be like one of these tinder users searching for someone to complete them, which is actually a terrifying notion. I don't know who the hell came up with that in the first place, but if anyone says that to you, run!
So, this is no overnight transition; this is present progressive transformation. First, get clear about your baggage by acknowledging that there is an issue. Then, you have to own it by taking accountability. After that, you have to put action against it in order to move through and past it. Once you have done this, you will be prepared to embrace true openness, honesty and vulnerability with others. Consequently, you will also understand that whatever happens while dating, you do not have to own and internalize the short-comings of anyone else. You will have access to these tools -- acknowledgement, accountability, and action to help you in real time to raise your level of consciousness/awareness. This will prove to be a great addition to your dating arsenal. Remember, you teach others how to treat you. So, by any means necessary, fall in love with yourself first. Love you, kiddos!