Our sexual education system is lacking in many areas. Many schools still teach “abstinence only” education to its students, despite the risks that are associated with it. Other programs passively shame students surrounding their sexuality, without realizing that they’re doing so.
There are some programs that offer education that is more accepting of adolescents making their own decisions about sex. However, even for most of these students, masturbation and sexual pleasure are rarely included in their sex ed. Instead, the focus is heavily on reproductive health and teen pregnancy.
Such a heavy focus on reproductive health is often guilty of leaving gay boys behind. For them, it can feel like there is nowhere to turn for sexual education that they need. Even for those who are out, there can be shame in talking with their parents about sex. This is obviously even more difficult for those who aren’t out. Because relationship, romance, and sexuality role models continue to be based in heteronormativity, it’s difficult to know what gay sex should look like. Many young, gay men don’t know how to improve sexual pleasure. Instead, they rely on myths surrounding sex. They can develop beliefs that there is a caste system surrounding sexual positioning. They risk learning that pain with anal sex is normal and just has to be dealt with. They also risk learning that there is only one way for gay men to have sex.
This lack of education is passively shaming, and it’s also dangerous. These boys are taught to find information on their own and fend for themselves regarding sexuality and STD prevention. Teenagers already struggle to talk to their parents about sex. For gay boys, it’s even worse. And their parents might be educated enough to help them.
Politicizing Porn Use is Harmful for Gay Boys
Calling porn a health crisis ignores a reality for young gay boys. It can shame them for a social problem that they’re the victims of. When they have nowhere to go to learn about gay sex, they go to the only place that they can rely on. They go to the internet.
Because it feels like there is nowhere to turn, many young people receive their sexual education by watching pornography. When curiosity is shamed, masturbation and pleasure are looked down upon or kept in silence, the only alternative is to figure this out for themselves. This is an even more common issue for gay men.
The internet has a lot of useful information surrounding sex and sexuality. However, sifting out quality information from solid information is difficult. The internet is filled with useless information, which can make sexual growth even more confusing, at an age where it’s already confusing.
We have an ethical responsibility to educate about gay sex. When we don’t educate on this, we normalize heterosexual sex. It makes gay sex a taboo mystery to uncover. It also leaves these boys in an intimidating space, where they walk through a lonely journey built on assumptions, which can create problems later in their lives.
On the other hand, when gay sex is acknowledged in an educational setting, these boys are validated. They have a space where they can ask questions and realize that sexual pleasure is a healthy, beautiful thing. They can challenge some of the nonsense that they come into contact with online. And they can discover the discrepancy between reality and fantasy, and leave fantasy where it belongs.