Gaza, the Answer: Separate the Fish From the Sea

A fictitious communiqué provoked by the horrors of Gaza.

From: Israel Defense Forces Special Gaza Group

To: P.M. (eyes only)

Date: August 1, 2014

Gaza: Removing the Fish from the Sea.

Following your request of July 25, we believe we have an answer for Israel's problem with Hamas. We liquidate all Hamas leaders and members. We do it by separating Hamas from the Palestinians, or, as Mao would have said, we remove the sea from the fish.

First, to restate the problem:

We (and our American allies) maintain that the 1.7 million Palestinians in Gaza are hostages to Hamas, a terrorist organization dedicated to the destruction of Israel.

The guilt for more than 1,300 Palestinians killed so far--including hundreds of women and children--is totally Hamas'. They are cowardly using U.N. schools, hospitals, mosques, and homes as cover for their tunnels, arms caches, and rockets.

They rejoice in the high "civilian" casualty figures. It makes them look like martyrs and us like Nazi monsters, though all we are trying to do is defend our people.

Bottom line: As we have always maintained, as long as Hamas, with its bloody-minded ideology of hate, is running Gaza, the peace--which Israel so desperately wants--will not be possible.

The solution is simple: get rid of Hamas and, while we're at it, other terrorist groups like Islamic Jihad.

These are the steps:

1. Egypt agrees to Hamas' demand that the Rafah border crossing, currently closed by Egypt, be reopened.

2. Israel then gives one week for all Palestinians to leave Gaza. At the end of that week, Israeli forces, using rockets, phosphorous, ships, tanks, etc. kill anyone still found in Gaza--men, women or children.

3. That threat will bring about a mass flight of Palestinians from Gaza (similar to the mass flight of Palestinians from Israel back in 1948). International observers will ensure that Hamas is unable to prevent the Palestinians who want to leave from getting out.

4. Hamas (and other) terrorists who choose to remain in Gaza and become martyrs to their lost cause will be shot on sight, or captured and sentenced to life in prison. (We prefer immediate execution, since there is no risk of prisoners later being exchanged for captured Israeli soldiers.)

5. To ensure that members of Hamas are not able to escape by joining the flood of Palestinians fleeing to Egypt, the border crossing will be screened by the Israeli Mossad and Shabak, the Egyptian Secret Police, and the CIA. As you know, our intelligence on Hamas is impressive. We have lists of all the leaders. While a few low-level cadres may slip through, the vast majority would be weeded out and dealt with.

6. What will happen to the 1.7 million Palestinians now in Egypt? They will be temporarily housed in massive refugee camps in the Egyptian Sinai. The camps will provide shelter, water, food, schooling, and freedom from the constant threat of death currently facing Palestinians in Gaza. Though the cost will be sizable, we have been assured that the U.S. and wealthy Arab states will be willing to foot the bill. Anything to get rid of Hamas.

7. Thousands of informants will circulate in those camps, alert to any Palestinians displaying Hamas-like tendencies. Once found, they will also be disposed of.

8. Egypt, of course, will only go along with this concept if they are assured that those 1.7 million Palestinians--even if politically "sanitized"--will not become permanent refugees in their country.

9. The ideal solution would be for other Arab countries, or countries further afield--like the U.S. or Canada or Brazil--to open their doors. Judging from the fate of Palestinian refugees since 1948, that scenario is highly unlikely.

10. Instead, while the Palestinians are being held in Egypt, a massive reconstruction program would be undertaken in Gaza to provide new housing, schools, hospitals, small industry, power stations, etc., etc., etc. Obviously, the opportunities for Israeli construction companies and businesses would be immense.

11. Once that program is well underway, the Palestinians would be transported--either willingly or not--back to their former homeland in Gaza.

12. We would end the total blockade of Gaza. But we would still insist on strict control of all ports, goods, and individuals entering and leaving the territory. With Hamas now totally removed from the scene, we might also consider letting certain closely vetted Palestinians work again in Israel.

13. We would allow the Palestinians to vote for a local government but would insist on clearing all candidates based on their political views. The only issues they could discuss would be directly concerned with day-to-day life; nothing to do with Israel, the settlements, a Palestinians state, the status of Jerusalem, or any fictitious claim to regaining the lands their ancestors lost in 1948.

Thus, with the Palestinians "cured" of the virus of Hamas and terrorism, our problem with Gaza is resolved.

At the same time, the Palestinians will have achieved their aim of economic growth and an end to the total embargo. But Hamas won't be able to take any of the credit--because they'll no longer be there.

We might consider a variant of these tactics get rid of the more vocal Palestinians on the West Bank as well.

The majority of the high command agrees with this proposal.

The only problem raised by a couple of dissenters is: Though we wipe out the virus, how do we ensure that in three or four or ten years, a new generation of Palestinians won't become infected?

The answer is evident: With the experience gained the first time around, we simply repeat the procedure as necessary.