Dear Generation X,
First of all, on behalf of baby-boomers everywhere, allow me to apologize. You were forced to come of age in the 1980s, the Reagan era, which shouldn't happen to anyone. My generation was going to be the one that changed the world; most of us didn't anticipate that so many of us would sell out and change it for the worse.
But one thing we did give you was an era of great movies. We can point proudly to the films of the 1970s and the rise of independent film, both of which happened on our watch.
So here's my question: Why are you ruining the movies now?
Perhaps I'm generalizing to blame it on Gen-X. Each generation, after all, wreaks its own particular brand of havoc on the film world. Still, consider the evidence: Specifically, recent news reports enthusiastically announcing that Zac Efron would join Dwayne Johnson in a movie version of Baywatch.
This occurrence, I believe, is referenced in the Book of Revelations. The end times are indeed upon us.
Why blame this on Gen-X? Do the math: The execs that make these decisions are now in their 40s -- which means they fit the Gen-X demographic. Baywatch was a hit in their youth, an uber-crappy throwaway TV series that would give the term "guilty pleasure" the willies.
This commentary continues on my website.