In the last four months or so, I've traveled to 10 or 12 states in the USA, followed by trips to Amsterdam, London, and a tiny village named Inderoy, just an hour's drive north of Trondheim, Norway. And no matter where I go, I can see that most people are convinced there are two kinds of people in the world: men and women. But I hang out with people who, mostly, are neither men nor women. I would call most Neither/Nor people my tribe. It's a difficult place to live, being neither/nor in an either/or world. Nah, it's not difficult... it sucks. Don't get me wrong, being neither/nor is GREAT in a neither/nor world, and thank heavens there are more and more spaces like that in the world. But there's not enough of those kind of spaces to keep up with the increasing number of people around the world who are calling themselves not-men and not-women.
Just look at this email someone sent me through my website:
I am a [35-39] year old in [the Midwest, USA], born female. For many years I felt masculine. However; I don't believe I am male or female. I am so afraid to live the way I have [become] because I am living a lie, but I don't necessarily want to die. Is there such thing as being neither? How do I help the "professionals" understand that I am not a pathological freak? I just don't identify with either one of those genders. So what does it make me? I need to know how can I continue to live in this world now that I have come to this realization? [unsigned]
Ouch. I answered the email as best I could, but I realized that I could be of more help to this person and the rest of my tribe of neither/nor people if I started talking more directly about it on this blog. So that's what I'm gonna do. Gloves off. People who are not men and not women really live in the world, everywhere, and it's high time to stop ignoring that and insisting on some archaic binary system of genderfying people.
Just look at this poem sent to me by my righteous neither/nor friend, the M word, from Myspace.
Either/OrI'm not either/or
this or that, I'm not
here nor there;
Shit, I'm everywhere
you care
not to look
I'm so much more
than Either/or
I won't pick and choose
Good or bad
Black or white
Single out or accept
Bitch or bombshell
Opt or decide for
Saint or sinner
Homo or hetero
Goddess or whore
I'm neither/nor
I won't let binary
beat me
into selection submission
I won't let one or the other
kill me
I won't name my desire
by sex/parts alone
man or woman
or in between,
or none of these
beings, my Self
I can't assign identity
through DNA or race;
You can't define, this face
simply won't give you simple
answers
The M word said I could include a link to her MySpace home page. Totally worth a visit.
Okay, that's enough for today. Over the next three weeks, I'm gonna be writing about some wonderful spaces for folks of the neither/nor persuasion, as I chronicle my visits to the 2007 Amsterdam Transgender Film Festival, London's Transfabulous '07, and Jafnaðr the 2007 Nordic Queer Youth Festival. All these events and places sure opened my eyes and my arms to a great many of my tribespeople.
Kiss kiss, and remember: we are everywhere.
Kate