George Michael Helped Me Survive Being Closeted

I lived in a bubble within a bubble within a bubble of repression and denial.
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In 1990, I was deep in the closet, deep in the heart of Texas. I was in my fourth year (of five) at Baylor, sharing an apartment with three friends from my ultra-conservative, evangelical, charismatic church. I lived in a bubble within a bubble within a bubble of repression and denial. And buried deep in my sock drawer were two CDs of the “secular” variety, hidden away like so much auditory porn. Janet Jackson’s “Rhythm Nation 1814” was great for walking the Bear Trail and driving around town with the windows down, but it was George Michael’s “Listen Without Prejudice, Volume 1” that filled countless hours spent in the painting studio or that flowed from headphones as I silently lip-synced in bed.

I had plenty of other memories tied to George Michael’s music: awkwardly slow dancing to “Careless Whisper” in high school; “I Want Your Sex” blasting from a dorm window while Baptist parents (mine included) assisted their freshmen kids on move-in day; and being mesmerized by George and Andrew’s legs in the “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” video.

But “Listen Without Prejudice” touched my soul in ways no other music had. It was Michael’s response to the well-deserved hype of “Faith,” choosing to downplay his image and focus instead on songwriting and emotion. In nearly every song, his longing for love and connection echoed my own. “Praying for Time,” “They Won’t Go When I Go,” “Something to Save,” “Heal the Pain,” “Soul Free,” “Waiting for That Day” (which included a snippet of “You Can’t Always Get What You Want”) all resonated ― and still do.

And then there was his voice. Michael’s voice — particularly on that album — is what I always wished mine sounded like, or imagined it would sound like in heaven.

The only time I saw George Michael perform live was singing “Freedom! ‘90” at the Equality Rocks concert in D.C. He’d only been out officially for a couple of years, so all of RFK Stadium celebrated the song’s newfound significance for Michael, and for our community’s burgeoning, well… freedom.

That song still gives me religion — true religion that comes from the abandonment of repression. A soulful experience of reveling in self-expression. Singing from the pit of my stomach that I am who I am, haters and self-hatred be damned.

Thank you, George Michael, for sharing with us your voice and your soul, your trials and your bliss, your longing and your freedom.

Let me tell you a secret • Put it in your heart and keep it • Something that I want you to know • Do something for me • Listen to my simple story • And maybe we’ll have something to show • You tell me you’re cold on the inside • How can the outside world • Be a place that your heart can embrace • Be good to yourself • Because nobody else • Has the power to make you happy. – From “Heal the Pain”

Before You Go

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