Getting Psyched to Not Remember Who Won the Oscars Next Week!

The excitement is building, as it does every year around this time. Soon, the eyes of the world will be on the glitz and glamour that only Hollywood can provide. The 86th Academy Awards are upon us! The stars will file in on the red carpet, the fashion choices will be scrutinized and the honorees will be feted in grand style.

I can hardly wait to see it all, and then forget who won, like, a few days later.

Forgetting who won the Oscars is such a long-standing tradition that it might conceivably be called a part of the human experience. We wake up each morning, we go to work, we spend time with those we love... we can't for the life of us remember who won the Oscars. It's all part of the great continuum, woven into the fabric of our existence.

Sure, the celebrities themselves who win the Oscars are not likely to forget the moment they clutch that gold statuette and thank their agents and current spouses. However, it is not beyond the realm of possibility that they, too, will totally blank on who won in the categories not associated with their productions.

In this way, we, each of us, are not that different from the rich and famous people who supply our big-screen entertainment. They, too, could easily be at a party a couple of weeks from now and, when quizzed on which film was given the award for Best Adapted Screenplay, give the same vacant stare that you or I might give if asked the same question.

The only difference is that the famous person forgets who won what Academy Award because he or she is preoccupied about how to remain famous by prepping his or her next deal, whereas you and I forget because we have jobs and don't care. These are small, inconsequential differences. The fact is that everybody, in all walks of life, has the memory of Oscar's winners wiped from their brain pan almost immediately after the ceremony. And this year, as with every year, I am really looking forward to it.

Weirdly enough, we can all still remember the names of the teachers who made indelible impressions on us, even going back ten, twenty or thirty years. But an awards show for teachers would be pretty damn boring. They make crap money, and they have no idea how to dress.

More of James Napoli's comedy content for the Web can be found here.

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