Getting Your Lady Parts Stoned


Getting my lady parts stoned was never on my 'to do' list.

Every time I think that I've put writing about the magical powers, and storing capabilities, of the vagina, behind me, I get sucked back in. Yes, I realize how that sounds.

I stumbled upon a product called Foria. It's been around for a couple of years but it's only now that I've gotten hep to it. Where have I been? Clearly hanging out where the word hep is used I'm guessing.

Foria is a lubricant that contains cannabis: a gentle mix of marijuana and coconut oil. FYI, coconut oil can prevent yeast infections. Yet another use for that ever popular drupe (not a nut).

I'm old school. Cocaine in the vagina, sure that I've heard of, but getting my vagina wasted? Uh...

Foria can be used as a de-stresser, to relax the pelvic floor and to enhance sexual pleasure. So can Pilates.

I'm not sure I want my cooter to be tripping. It's already pretty trippy. If you get your vagina high, a side effect may be that it will feel loosey goosey. I can't speak for other women, but I'd much prefer mighty tighty.

What if my cooter gets the munchies? Do I spoon feed it a pint of Ben & Jerry's and a sleeve of Oreos? I suppose I could grab a handful of vegetables, which is good because my cooter is a healthy eater.

Foria Relief is a suppository that one can stick up either orifice. It's supposed to help with symptoms associated with a women's menses. But why stick it in your bum? Hemorrhoidal pain? These products are not FDA approved and Foria Relief is only available in CA. Just my luck.

As I surfed the internet, falling further down the rabbit hole, reading about vagina toking, I came upon a new yoga for the vagina called Vagoga. You call it Vagoga, I call it Pilates.

Stand by for my thoughts on reusable menstrual pads from Torjacek Farms. Not a joke, wish it were.