COMEDY

Gift Ideas For The 'Pizzagate' Conspiracist In Your Life

Connect the halls with push pins and red yarn.

It’s the holiday season, and that means time for gifts! But what do you get the angry friend or family member who thinks one of the following:

  • Barack Obama is a secret Muslim.
  • The government creates mass shooting hoaxes with actors so they can come get everyone’s guns.
  • Liberals and the MSM (mainstream media) really want white people to go extinct.
  • Hillary Clinton and John Podesta are major players in a pedophilia ring, centralized in a DC area pizza place, based on bizarrely baseless claims made by internet sleuths with no evidence but a lot of MS paint diagrams showing “PROOF!” #Pizzagate

Yeah, that’s a tough one. But here are a few suggestions!

  • A set of two moody teenager cutouts to yell at on their lawn.
    HuffPost / Andy McDonald
  • A pillow in which to deliver all their loud and lengthy reverse racism speeches.
    ballyscanlon via Getty Images
  • A subscription to "Jet Fuel Can't Melt Steel Beams Monthly."
    HuffPost / Andy McDonald
  • A stress ball featuring some government-sympathizing puppy to choke the life out of.
    HuffPost / Andy McDonald
  • 10,000 of those egg Twitter followers who can like and retweet them even if they've used the N-word!
    Twitter
  • Pushpins, maps and red yarn to aid in their personal Pizzagate investigation.
    Sergey Mironov via Getty Images
  • A calendar from the 1950s to look at fondly.
    Bettmann via Getty Images
  • A REAL Christmas tree, not one of those fake "happy holidays" trees you find in China or Osama Bin Laden's old cave.
    Anadolu Agency via Getty Images
  • A home echo chamber. The sweet comfort of homogeneity from the sweet comfort of home.
    Michael Duva via Getty Images
  • Socks. Everyone needs socks.
    Thomas Northcut via Getty Images
HuffPost

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