Last night, Lillian Hellman, Anais Nin, Dorothy Parker, and a few other friends and I went to see Sex and the City 2. We truly couldn't get over it.
Sadly, Emily Dickenson couldn't make it; she had to stay home to wash her hair.
Jane Goodall, "Those camels were like adorable. Like, how do they get them to do that!?"
Lillian Hellman, "Smart of them to go for the Jackie Kennedy sunglasses look. Character shorthand, brilliant. Instant depth. I wonder what their discount is."
Anais Nin, "I don't know. That Samantha character was a little too wild for me."
Aristophanes, "Oh Ani, get over it."
EB, "Sylvia Plath would have died for those handbags."
Dorothy Parker, "Bonnie Parker would have killed for those shoes."
Virginia Woolf, "Did Julia Ward Howe do the music?"
Eb, "No. I think that was Lillie Langtry."
Lillian Hellman, "Too bad Emma Goldman didn't live long enough to see caftans."
Helen Hayes, "Marlon Brando did!"
Lillian Hellman, "Oh Helen, you're a fox!"
EB "I wish Jean D'Arc wasn't getting a mani-pedi tonight, she should have been here. Maybe we could have finally gotten her to trade those ratty birkenstocks for Blahniks."
Rachel Carson, "You can't talk to her."
Marie LaVeau, "No. She's inside her own head."
Rachel Carson, "I keep trying to tell her to use sunscreen. She's gonna burn."
Louisa May Alcott, "So, is our girl Carrie like named for prohibitionist Carrie Nation?"
Lillian Hellman, "Duh! That's the beauty, the irony, the subversive undercurrent. Cocktails, girls? Hee!"
Marian Anderson, "Plus the hair accessories were ill."
Eleanora Duse, "And of course, Shakespeare's Miranda from "The Tempest." They kept it subtle though. Didn't name her husband Ferdinand, but did have them wind up living in Brooklyn, hello. And everything from Crate and Barrel, a la the Tempest's shipwreck, you see? J'adore films that challenge one."
Susan B. Anthony, "And that adorable Charlotte, for Bronte, of course. Like Jane Eyre, seeking her place in the world by living in the beautiful home of a rich man, only this gal need not work for a living. The comedy! She isn't a governess; she HAS a governess. Ha!"
Ida B. Wells Barnett, "I'm just glad those Muslim sisters got with the program."
Emma Lazarus, "Amen. Some heavy waxing budget on this movie!"
Amelia Earhart, "Oh please, I am so sick of Isadora Duncan and her waxing nightmares. Like, who cares?"
Sacagawea, "Word! You think there were day spas in North Dakota when I was working?"
Amelia Earhart, "One good thing about flying around the world alone, no shaving."
Jane Goodall, "Tell the truth, that's why you went, right? Hahaha!!!"
Amelia Earhart, "You bitch! (Laughing.) I'll bet the chimps couldn't tell whose legs were whose."
Jane Goodall, "Whoa..Dian Fossey owns that one, HA!"
Anais Nin, "Fossey, such bad luck with men."
Virginia Woolf, "And apes."
Margaret Mead, "What's the difference?"
Ida B. Wells Barnett, "Ohh girlfriend, you bad."
Margaret Mead, "No. I'm serious. What's the difference?"
Jane Goodall, "Oh. Right."
Aristophanes, "Amelia, tell the truth, you circumnavigated the globe for the shopping! Right?"
All (Hysterically laughing.)
Virginia Woolf (Gasping for air, laughing.) She..she.. didn't want to pay duty!!"
Amelia Earhart, "Busted! Aaahhhh!!!"
EB, (Wiping tears.) "So, we loved it, right?"
Margaret Mead, "Personally, I think it will make a great Taliban recruiting film."
Emma Lazarus, "Maggie, why can't you ever just lighten up and enjoy anything?"
Margaret Mead, "It was teeming in that theater. I couldn't breathe."
Emma Lazarus, "Oh. Mea culpa. Jeez."
Rosa Parks, "I'd give up my seat for some of that bling."
Helen Keller, "It was lovely, wasn't it?"
Amelia Earhart, "The makeup was amazing. What's a good long lasting lip color for over the ocean?"
Rachel Carson, "Silent Spring, by MAC."
EB, "Hey gals, let's go share a dessert, eighteen forks!"
Dorothy Parker, "And ladies, separate checks!!"
As we left the theater, we ran into my comedian friend Martha E Chaves, with a bunch of her friends.
EB "Hey amiga, what'd you think?"
Martha Chaves, "Oh man. I took Sappho, Gertrude Stein, Vita Sackville West, Georgia O'keefe and Frida Kahlo. They behaved like boisterous construction workers. Never again."
EB "Aw, sorry. Hey look, there's my friend Laraine. Laraine! Did you like it?"
Laraine Newman, "I took 50 Cent and Eminem and they both cried like a couple of bitches."
All I can say after sleeping on it is, that film's got legs.