This is an excerpt from a longer piece that I am working on which will be a short story for now, but it could grow. I don’t want to explain the rest of the story because it changes by the day, and this part speaks for itself. Let me know if you want more like this.
Two nights ago I didn’t want to look out of this window anymore. I didn’t want to see the moon light snake its way through my room. The days seemed dark and the nights were a door to something greater. A hint at what was calling for me. I no longer felt pain or numbness. I simply ached for darkness. I no longer felt the sting of disappointment and treachery.
It wasn’t about them. It wasn’t about the world killing itself by the day. It wasn’t even because you and Corey went behind my back so many times. It was about me. I didn’t want to feel pain anymore. I didn’t want to cry from the frustration of taking another breath.
I wanted this life to end.
I thought that in 5 years, like most things it wouldn’t matter. In 5 months it would be something brought up in conversation that makes people sulk for a moment before moving on. In 5 days it will have already been old news. What’s it worth when all that you’ve done amounts to a quick sigh and a long lost memory in no time?
I called because I wanted you to give me a reason to keep going. A reason to wince at the chill of my steering wheel on another winter morning. A reason to feel pain. A reason to laugh again. A reason to love. I wanted a reason to love myself enough to keep this life, or to love anything at all.
Isn’t taking it just as beautiful? I wanted a reason to wait another day each and every day. You didn’t answer that call, yet in not doing so you did.
I was stubborn and decided I was going to find my reason with or without you. I haven’t found it yet. But that was two nights ago and I’m still looking.
And before you say it I already know you have them coming for me. I’ll already be gone when they come, but you’ll be here. Well, traces of you anyway.
You want to live? Give me a reason not to kill you.