Sometimes it feels like we’ve all experienced the same bad dates, with the same people we’re never going to hear from again. At least we’re all in this together. Below, we’ve culled 29 tweets that are all too relatable if you’re currently single.
Me: I speak Dutch & Turkish— defne gencler (@omgitsdef) January 13, 2020
Guys on dating apps: Ok, but do you speak sarcasm??
just saw a tinder bio that said “looking for the dunder mifflin to my michael scott”....the locals aren’t even trying anymore— marianne williamson’s himalayan salt strap (@realbigv1) October 22, 2019
no greater shame than redownloading a dating app.... it’s like yes, I would like to be disrespected by a stranger— ziwe (@ziwe) April 12, 2019
Someone on tinder just unmatched me mid-conversation because I said I liked ketchup so yes it's going great— Kendra 🐖 (@kendrawcandraw) June 23, 2019
Dating is so hard. Like, what does it mean when a guy doesn’t watch your Instagram stories, doesn’t like your tweets, doesn’t respond to your texts, and is dating someone else?— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) January 18, 2020
Dating seems fun on paper but I have to go to a BAR?? After EIGHT???? And TALK to someone??????? Ugh what is this Italy in the 1930s— Hollis Jane Andrews (@hollis_jane) June 5, 2019
There’s nobody crazier than someone who says they have the best dating stories.— Jared Freid (@jtrain56) October 24, 2019
Bumble is a fun app because it goes to great lengths to paint the illusion that you won't die alone.— Charlotte Clymer 🏳️🌈 (@cmclymer) December 23, 2019
Dating app catchphrases :— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) February 6, 2020
Hinge: wanna date a guy named Caleb who’s a “senior content manager”?
Bumble: Wanna date a guy named Josh who loves mescal?
Tinder: Wanna date a guy named Dylan who has a six pack and doesn’t clean his bathroom?
Raya: Wanna date Matthew Perry?
Just thinking about the time when I took a girl on a date and she ended up meeting her future husband in between us leaving the restaurant and before getting into my car in the parking lot— Kyle Fitzy (@kylefitzy8) December 8, 2019
A dating app but instead it’s just my future husband or wife and they knock on my door after teleporting in and say “I’m sorry I’m late. I know you’re exhausted. let me make you some tea”— Stephanie Mickus (@smickable) November 4, 2019
saw a tinder profile where the girl’s first pic is her sitting on the toilet. that is some chaotic energy that i both respect and want no part of— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) May 9, 2019
date: [pulls away from kissing] let's move this to your bed— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) September 21, 2019
me: [sitting on a futon] you're not gonna believe this
priest: confess, my child, and god shall forgive all of your sins— the hype (discount the devil) (@TheHyyyype) January 25, 2020
me: really? all of them?
priest: yes, that's how it works
me: wow cool. so i made my tinder photo a pic of me holding a fish
priest: [hand to earpiece] ok yeah, god says no
*first date*— frankencline (@consensualcline) March 10, 2019
me: okay i will not mention or talk about my third nipple tonight because that might creep them out
me (after one beer): okay so you know how tricycles have 3 tires instead of 2
Just found some garlic bread in my pocket that I stole at a party, if you needed another reason to date me.— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) August 1, 2019
me trying to flirt over loud music at the club: WHAT’S YOUR ATTACHMENT STYLE— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) December 29, 2019
dating me is like a piano: really fun & expensive at first but then thru the years it starts to get out of tune & you just kind of get tired of it taking up so much space but it would be a hassle to move so you just post it for free on Craigslist until some other sucker takes it— bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424) July 22, 2019
[watching GoodFellas with date]— Floyd (@dafloydsta) September 25, 2019
ME: Those are the fellas.
ME: *leans in close* They are good.
good first date questions:— Sweatpants Cher ⚫️ (@House_Feminist) April 22, 2019
-do you sort utensils while loading the dishwasher
-give some examples of socioeconomic inequality
-what are your 3 most frequent searches on pornhub
-are you a cop
-in 5 years do you see yourself wearing matching pajamas with me
Open dating app— Erika W. Smith (@erikawynn) March 3, 2020
Respond “I’m good you” to 15 “hi how are you?” messages
Close dating app
[First Date At Cinema]— Brynnester (@brynnester) September 19, 2018
Me: *whispering* ᵀʰᵉˢᵉ ⁿᵃᶜʰᵒˢ ʷᵉʳᵉ ⁿᵒᵗ ᵗᵒ ˢʰᵃʳᵉ
Dating apps: my boyfriend and I are looking for a third— sarah schauer 🦂 (@SJSchauer) January 19, 2020
Me: wow, some of us don’t even have 1rds