It took me a lot of practice to be the kind of woman that gives zero f*cks and actively care less about what other people think, because I misunderstood what the 'give zero f*cks' mindset is all about. The misconception about women who give zero f*cks is that they have no priorities or passions.
In actuality, it's not that we don't care about anything, it's that we don't give our precious energy to things that don't matter.
Most importantly, that includes the opinions of people who are rude, condescending, or so clearly unhappy with themselves that they feel the need to take it out on us. Misery does love company, as they say.
Being the kind of gal who gives zero f*cks doesn't mean your apathetic to life itself. In fact, the truth is just the contrary: you simply care about what you care about, believe in what you believe in, are doin' your thang and just don't have time for the ill-informed opinions of people who don't have your best interest at heart. In essence, it's not that we have zero f*cks to give, it's that we're not willing to give our f*cks to unworthy thoughts and people.
So this isn't about not caring at all, it's more focused on caring about things that actually matter. Like yourself, and your happiness. And essentially, giving zero f**cks about anything that gets in your way. Here's the no BS guidelines, so you can start caring more about yourself and less about that which distracts you from being your best.
Give Zero F*cks
How to care less about what other people think, and more about your own happiness
Too many times we're relying on other people's opinions about us and our choices. The truth us, no one knows you better than you do. Take a day, a week, a year - however long it takes - to decide what you really want (regardless of what other people think you're capable of), identify what is really good for you (regardless of what other people want for you), and make those convictions more important than anything anyone else says.
Only you can know what the right path is, and as they say, there is a voice that speaks without words. Listen to that voice; that voice is your highest self. Trust your gut, follow your instinct.
Stop feeding your insecurities by thinking about them
Insecurities, fears and doubts about ourselves only have power when we feed them with our attention. The more we pay attention to our insecurities, the more we feed them, and the stronger they become. Stop feeding your insecurities, stop obsessing over your fears, stop playing stories and thoughts about all the doubts and criticisms about your life and your body in your head on repeat. Give zero f**cks to the thoughts that make you feel bad about yourself.
Instead, start feeding your conviction. Start thinking more about the parts of yourself that you love: your creativity, your compassion, your ability to problem solve, your curves. Start obsessing over what you think is great about you - feed those thoughts, repeat those stories. Whatever you feed becomes most powerful; so take the power away from your insecurity and put it back where it belongs. Yes, your mind are strong enough to do that! Stop giving away your power!
Don't read the damn comments.
Sometimes ignorance - as in ignoring something - really is bliss, especially when that thing is a hateful rant or a judgmental criticism. I learned this the hard way after writing an article on why I'm not ready for marriage even though I'm in a years-long relationship. Reading the comments is rarely a good idea, because other people will always provide over-stepping opinions that will just piss you off. On your instagram and facebook posts, on your blog, on celebrity gossip websites, wherever. If there's a chance someone has something awful to say about you or to you, just stay away from that. Keep in mind that constructive criticism is very different, and you'll need to learn that difference in order to grow. (You can usually tell the difference because criticism offers guidance for your potential and comes from people you admire, as opposed to harsh judgments and rudeness from total strangers.)
Only you are in charge maintaining the quality of what you allow into your mind, and that goes for what you read, watch, and listen to.
Stop waiting for other people to give you what you really want.
Validation. A better work environment. Forgiveness. Anything - if you want it, give it to yourself. Trust yourself enough to know which paths and efforts feel right for you, individually. This is about honoring and trusting yourself enough to believe that there are rights and wrongs for you, that there are things you are worthy of (like love), and you're in charge of putting the rights into your own life.
Let it be ok...that things aren't ok
Empty bank account, in a fight with your sister/bff, you showed up late to work today and your boss has been giving you side-eye. There's a lot of things that could be going very wrong. Don't brush it off, don't try to avoid it; give a little breathing room for circumstances that aren't going your way. Accept it rather than try to deny that it's happening, or lying to people about it.
The only thing that can make your life worse when things aren't going your way is when you don't let your heart break, don't allow space for the disappointment or pain, and try to judge yourself as a failure on top of trying to deal with everything going wrong. It's ok to struggle, it's ok for things to be a little messy, that's just life. It's not ok to make a conclusion about your own worth just because things fall apart. And trust me, they will fall apart now and again. The strongest bridges in the world still need maintenance to hold things together. So things aren't ok? It's ok that they aren't ok, ok? You're doing the best you can.
The point is that you understand your time and energy are limited. You do not have enough of these to be giving them to everyone and everything around you. Focus on what's important to you. Be cautious about where you give your attention. You are a powerful, vivacious being and what you allow in your mind and heart ultimately affect the quality of your life. Stop giving your f**cks to things and people that hurt you. Start giving your all to things and people that help you evolve into a better and better you.
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Rachael Yahne is an award winning blogger, writer and cancer survivor. After years in the fashion industry, she now writes lifestyle articles about purpose, passion, well-being and asking life's biggest questions.
You can read more of her work at HerAfter.com
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