“Give without expectation and receive with reckless abandon” —Colleen Mariotti
Giving
Let’s talk first about giving. We’ve all heard the biblical adage, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Yet it is hard to give without strings attached. Giving without expectation of anything in return, even a thank you, is a freeing and satisfying practice. Try it.
When I arrived at my son’s house on Christmas Eve, 7-year-old granddaughter Fianna met me at the door tearing open a gift she had made and wrapped for me. She had intended to wait until the next day, but she was so excited and eager to give it to me, she couldn’t wait. In that jar of homemade orange, lavender and lime lotion, she gave me so much of herself!
Cami Walker was 33 when she had the wedding of her dreams. One month later she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. For the next two years she struggled, fighting pain, self-pity and fear. Then a friend, African medicine woman Mbali Creazzo, gave her this prescription: “Give 29 gifts in 29 days. By giving you are focusing on what you have to offer others.” Walker followed the advice, and her life changed dramatically. The book 29 Gifts, How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life documents the process. It’s worth trying. 29 Gifts has become a movement. See 29Gifts.org.
Receiving
Rebecca O’Dwyer says “Giving feels fantastic and for there to be a Giver, there must be a Receiver, so allowing yourself to receive is an act of love.” Many of us have trouble receiving, even a compliment. We are better at giving. How can we open ourselves to receiving?
Amanda Owen notes that “While the Giver archetype is celebrated in our culture, the Receiver is almost wholly unknown.” The result? Busyness is a virtue.” If that’s true, maybe we have to slow down to receive. Maybe a commitment to balancing our giving and receiving could help us slow down.
Some people who have been givers all their lives have trouble opening the receiver channel. We forget that our ability to receive gives others the chance to give. My late husband Hal was in a rehab hospital not long before his death. Our friends Dave and Dona visited and sang to him. It was balm to his spirit. He received deeply and gratefully. He began asking everyone who visited if they would sing to him. He could not receive words and talk. He could receive singing, and it didn’t have to be beautiful. People were moved to sing who didn’t usually sing….lullabies, hymns, silly songs… they all brought joy to both singer and Hal.
Giving and Receiving
I recently learned of the “Village Movement” which allows the elderly to age in their homes. In these villages, the members themselves organize to help each other with what they need: transportation, household chores, even troubleshooting computer problems. They offer classes and social activities. Once a “village” is started and people are enjoying its benefits, they discover other talents to give: sewing, knitting, cooking, tax preparation. Much of what people want and need does not cost money, but requires instead giving of oneself. People find that the more they give, the more able they are to receive, and the happier they are.
When people have trouble both giving and receiving, animals can help. I saw this when therapy dogs visited the drug and alcohol treatment center where I worked. Consider also the highly successful program in prisons, where inmates train service dogs, blossoming in caring for and being loved by the dogs, then glowing in giving the dogs to the person who needs its services!
It sounds so simple: to give and to receive. We all do both all the time. But what does it take to do them really well? To give, “without expectation,” and to “receive with reckless abandon”? What might the impact be on the world, if each of us increased our ability both to give and to receive?
COACHING QUESTIONS/TIPS:
- If you are struggling with fear, or illness, or any other challenge, consider giving 29 gifts in 29 days. These don’t have to be material gifts. They can be gifts from the spirit: a kind word, a smile, an acknowledgement. (Check out www.29gifts.org.)
- Next time someone gives you a gift, even a compliment, see how gracefully you can accept it and take it in.
- How balanced are you in giving and receiving?
- What could you do to be more balanced?
- How different would your life be if you gave without expectation and received with reckless abandon?